November 2006 (v9 i3)
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T-shirts reveal attitude, hollowness of lifestyle
by Austin Presley, Staff Writer

He’s lucky his mother hugs him at all.
CAMPUS — Advertising major Kenny Chesowitz has capitalized on the recent trend in graphic T-shirts emblazoned with humorously ironic and post-modern phrases by exploring new avenues of self-expression through fashion.

“I see all these people wearing shirts that say ‘Hottie’ or ‘Thank Your Girlfriend For Me’ and I’ve become bothered by all that wasted medium,” stated Chesowitz as he pointed out further examples of T-shirts around the West Mall. “I could wear a shirt with some glib seual comment, but I’d ratherdon a garment that reveals my true personality.”

“See what I mean?” asked a grinning Chesowitz as he stretched out his T-shirt to clearly display the phrase, “I Take Medicine For My BiPolar Disorder.”

Despite his enthusiasm, Chesowitz’s friends have expressed concern for his recent fashion statements.

“I guess they were funny at first,” conceded roommate Andy Furlong. “Everyone loves a good graphic tee, right? I get a laugh every time I wear my ‘TAXachussets’ shirt.” Furlong then shrugged and shook his head, “But Kenny’s really taken it to another level — another disturbing level.”

“I mean, I have no idea what to make of this,” grimaced Furlong as he held up one of Chesowitz’s shirts reading, “Sometimes There’s Blood In My Stool.”

Described by friends as “artistic,” “open-minded,” and “a little creepy,” Chesowitz began wearing te unorthodox tees after shopping at Urban Outfitters.

“This is all because of those damned trendy hipsters,” complained friend Jessica Gwynn. “Sure, their slogans are often clever and cheeky, but there’s only so much a person can take before he starts getting ideas in his head. It’s just like those Columbine kids and video games, only instead of using guns to kill people, Kenny uses T-shirts to make people fairly uncomfortable and confused.”

Gwynn explained: “The oher day Kenny was wearing a shirt that said, ‘This Is A Cry For Help,’ and we all had a good laugh. But then the next day his shirt said, ‘No, I’m Fucking Serious.’ Nobody laughed at that one.”

“I thought about making my own shirt that says something like, ‘We Get It, Kenny’ or ‘Kenny, You’re Making Everyone Feel Awkward,’” said Gwynn. “But who has time to do that?”

Despite his friends’ concerns, Chesowitz seems just as excited about graphic tees as ever.

“There’s no telling how far I can take this trend,” pondered Chesowitz as he flipped through a sketchpad depicting illustrations of shirts with birthdates, phone numbers and veneral diseases written across them. “Soon, people will be able to tell volumes about you just by reading your T-shirt.”

“I just finished this one yesterday,” boasted Chesowitz as he pulled out a shirt reading, “I Cut Myself So I Don’t Feel The Pain Inside.” He added: “This one is just for me, though.”
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