the guy who never comes to class
Doth mine eyes deceive me? Why wouldst thou tease my heart by descending from the heavens to grace my J315 class with thou’s presence, never to return again. Thy cold, hard, empty chair makes a mockery of the fire within my soul. My body quivers in anticipation of the final and our long-awaited reunion. E-mail me for my notes again, sweet angel, for if you won’t enter class, whilst thou not enter me?
Hobbies: sleeping late, going out on weeknights, e-mailing classmates for notes, finishing Final Fantasy XII in one sitting, showing up on test days, having class with friends, lacking stamina
Turn-ons: take-home tests, correspondences courses, snow days, snooze button, holiday breaks, funerals, doctor’s notes, hot weather, cold weather, rainy weather, weed
Turn-offs: 8 A.M. classes, attendance, alarm clock, commitment, roosters, sunrises, missing “Oprah,” walking, bus schedules, professor who don’t put their notes on Blackboard, carrying a full load, missing lunch
Motto: “Did I miss anything?”