November 2006 (v9 i3)
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Student addicted to studying, Adderall
by Bradley Jackson, Features Editor

This book really strikes a chord with Johnson’s
interests, but then again, so does memorizing
the molecular structures of every organic
CAMPUS — Electrical engineering and pre-med sophomore Patrick Johnson stated Monday that his ever increasing workload at school has caused him to become addicted to long, uninterrupted studying sessions and to forty milligrams of the prescription drug Adderall he takes each night before heading to the library.

“All of my engineering friends complain that the material is so boring and that they can never concentrate in class,” claimed Johnson as he audibly clicked his teeth to an unknown rhythm. “But whenever I pop a couple of Adderall and head to FAC, I fall in love with whatever subject I’m studying.”

Johnson added: “Most of the time I can’t even sleep afterwards — even when I’ve been up for days.”

Johnson, who has not been officially diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, discovered Adderall at the end of his freshman year.

“I was complaining to my roommate Jeff [Brewton] that I had a 12-page paper due the next day, and I hadn’t even started,” recalled Johnson. “Then the ‘Brewmeister’ said he could help me out if I had some extra money. 20 bucks, 60 milligrams and 17 hours of researching the genetic traits of sickle cell anemia later, I knew I had found the key to success in college.”

After finding a reliable dealer who only charged five dollars a pill, Johnson soon discovered the benefits of Adderall’s side effects.

“I only have to eat like one meal a day when I’ve got some stuff in my system,” stated Johnson as he finished his third Starbucks Double Shot. “I already lost all that beer weight I gained freshman year. Plus, all the money I would be spending on food I can now use to buy more Adderall.”

Although Johnson claims that Adderall is simply a “study buddy,” several of his friends have expressed concern that his dependence on the substance is causing more harm than good.

“Patrick used to be pretty cool rolling on ‘Addie’ because he would clean the kitchen and occasionally bake brownies,” claimed roommate Keith Ries. “But now all he does is pop a couple of pills, steal one of my Red Bulls and go to campus for another one of his epic studying sessions.”

Complaints also include that Johnson becomes “talkative,” “awkward,” and “kinda queer” with too much Adderall in his system.

“One time, Patrick came home from one of his study benders at four in the morning and wanted to talk with me about his parent’s divorce,” said suitemate Clint Rainey. “His eyes were bloodshot and his hair smelled of urine, but he kept going on and on about relationships and battling the evils of human nature. If he weren’t my roommate, I definitely would have punched him in the throat.”

Despite complaints from his friends, Johnson claims Adderall has made his life much easier.

“Whether it’s measuring the differential between the radius and the tangent angle or learning how an actuation force can result in thermal change in a bimetal disc, everything is interesting on Adderall,” declared Johnson as he popped each of his knuckles individually. “And whenever I really don’t want to do something like laundry or talk to my stepfather, I’ll just pop one of my little miracle pills and wait for the magic to happen.”

Johnson added: “Hey, at least I’m not doing coke.”
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