November 2006 (v9 i3)
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Student never forgets 9/11
References to tragedy excessive, uncomfortable
by Kathryn Edwards, News Editor

According to a recent survey, 78% of
‘Never Forgetters’ like to cuddle.

CAMPUS — Government major Jacob Rodden has ruined every class he’s ever been in with excessive references to the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, report classmates and professors.

“If I have to hear the phrase, ‘In a post-9/11 world’ again, I really think I’m quitting school,” admitted Rodden’s Suicide Terrorism classmate Becky Sharp. “Or maybe I just won’t go to class anymore. Either way, I cannot handle another diatribe from this kid about how 9/11 affects us all.”

Rodden’s overuse of the tragedy as an illustrative example extends beyond obviously relevant courses, reportedly referencing Sept. 11 on a daily basis in Intro to Latin American Government, Politics of Third World Development and Women’s History in Political Thought.

“Hey, at least those are actual government classes,” said Daniel Becker of Rodden’s Children’s Literature class. “Do you know how many of my cherished childhood stories he’s ruined by pointing out their 9/11 subtext?”

Becker put his head in his hands and added, “I can never read ‘Peter Rabbit’ again.”

Rodden’s professors admit that handling “The Never Forgets Guy,” as they have taken to calling him, can be tricky.

“You can’t say you’re sick of hearing about 9/11, because then you sound insensitive and unpatriotic,” explained Advanced Power Yoga instructor Sandy Aria. “But I look forward to every day that he’s gone so that we can do the Hero Pose without having to hear about the true heroes of United Flight 93.”

Rodden’s friends report that the Sept. 11 references are by no means limited to the classroom, recalling countless study sessions, movie nights and beer runs Rodden has ruined. Roommate Daniel Hayden recalls an incident from this year’s OU weekend.

Hayden, Rodden and others were attending a party at a friend’s house in North Dallas when Hayden managed to do a 24-second keg stand.

Admist the cheers and high-fives, Rodden declared, “If you want to know what’s really impressive, think of the fireman who ran into the towers after they had been hit by the planes, whom the buildings eventually collapsed on and killed.”

Guests who overheard his comments promptly exited the kitchen without speaking and resumed their conversations in another room.

“Jesus, you can’t take him anywhere,” complained Hayden. “I won’t even tell you about the speech he gave at our friend Drew’s wedding. It was awful.”

Although Rodden’s mantra of never forgetting is accurate when describing American tragedies, Rodden has himself forgotten the train bombings in Madrid and London. Friends report this irony is completely lost on him.
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