November 2006 (v9 i3)
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Did you see Casey Fields at the Union yesterday? How many junior bacon cheeseburgers has she eaten this semester? Someone’s not going to be able to fit her thighs into those trendy black leggings if she’s not careful. Just because they’re called “junior” doesn’t mean they won’t make you fifty pounds heavier by the time you’re a senior!

Speaking of juniors, did you hear that Mike Lowens is dating one? As in high school junior? After being rejected by half the girls on his floor, looks like Mike had to start shopping around Austin High. Apparently pledging a cool frat doesn’t guarantee you’ll get laid.

I Eta Pi sorority president Lacey Stevens did some shopping as well—at Payless! Seems that Stevens thought nobody would notice her boots were cheap, pleather imitations of the Steve Maddens everyone else will be sporting this season. She even took a black sharpie to the Payless logo on the sole. Doesn’t she know that if you have to make budget cuts, better to skip lunches than to sacrifice style?

Speaking of style, Ray Flores attempted to update his, in the bedroom, much to his girlfriend Lindsay’s disappointment. Come on Ray, sex for chubby guys is like shopping for pants — once you find something that works, you probably should stick with it.

Oh, and Jennifer! Her beau really stuck it to her with a text-message breakup. She thought she’d be seeing a movie with him this Saturday. Now all she’ll see is her running mascara in the morning because she’ll cry herself to sleep.

I’m sure she’ll come around soon. That is, sleeping around. It’s no wonder she lost him with her indiscriminte ways. Well, I’ve got to go. I’ve got, like, 20 IMs on my screen about Sara’s date last night.

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