Embarrassing Accutane Stories
Dinner and a sob-fest
On month 14 of my Accutane treatment — just about midway through — I went out on a date with Amber, the head cheerleader on my high school’s squad. The night was going pretty well, but then Amber started getting frustrated with me for leaving the movie theater every 15 minutes to apply a fist full of Vaseline to my lips. We went to dinner after the movie, and that’s when our evening took a turn for the worse: A huge clump of my dried out, straw-like hair fell out and into my soup, and my Accutane-induced depression caused me to start weeping and wet myself. I tried to explain to Amber that these things were a result of the medication I was taking to treat my problematic T-zone, but she demanded that I take her home. Talk about embarrassing!
Chris, 18
[Rating: 4 permanent frowns]
Skin prisoner
After dealing with hideous acne ever since the seventh grade, I was willing to try anything to get rid of it, even my sister’s make-up. Boy was I relieved when my doctor prescribed me Accutane. He warned about some vision problems associated with the drug, but with my new clear skin, nothing could get me down. That week I started Driver’s Ed. I was so excited to be behind the wheel, but suddenly this strange cloudiness came over my eyes. I couldn’t see just as we headed into a busy intersection! I survived the crash, but my Driver’s Ed instructor wasn’t so lucky. Now I’m serving time for manslaughter, and I’m pretty sure I can feel a pimple starting to form. Thanks, Accutane!
Hannah, 19
[Rating: 3 permanent frowns]
Worthless crybaby
Even though I was a studly jock throughout junior high and high school, by senior year I still didn’t feel like I had reached my popularity potential. Because of the horrific acne on my face, back, and chest, I had never gotten a girlfriend! I was so excited when my doctor prescribed Accutane. Within days, my face had totally dried up and peeled off. Proud of my new skin, I walked right up to the head cheerleader during lunch and asked her to the prom. She turned me down, and because of the damn depression caused by Accutane, I sobbed uncontrollably in front of everyone. Nobody believed that it was because of my medicine, so now I’m considering suicide rather than facing the guys at school tomorrow.
Sasha, 20
[Rating: 9 permanent frowns]
Daddy’s boy
Back in junior high, I had everything going for me. I was a straight-A student, captain of the football team, and the only guy who got to feel up Jenny Garrison. Once I reached high school, however, puberty hit me like a truck. I would try to squeeze a pimple on my face, only to discover that my hands were also covered with them. My entire body resembled that lava planet in Star Wars. Nobody even wanted to talk to me. Thank God for Accutane! It practically saved my life. Now I’m living in my own pad — padded room, that is. And I finally realized how much of a tyrant my dad was right before I slit his throat and feasted on his heart, the source of his power. That’ll teach him to tell me to stop crying.
Brinn, 24
[Rating: 7 permanent frowns]
Chap Desert
In high school, I really liked this guy Josh. After I got on Accutane and my skin started clearing up, he asked me out. I was so happy! But our date took a turn for the worse when he started bleeding from kissing my severely chapped lips. A nice guy, he kept trying to please me, but with the tumbleweeds blowing around my dry-as-a-desert vagina, intimacy just wasn’t in the cards. And Accutane also made me mentally unstable — after I punched Josh in the neck, he never spoke to me again. How embarrassing!
Kat, 19
[Rating: 2 permanent frowns]
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