September 2005 (v8 i1)
Having Fleeting Delusions of Grandeur Since 1997
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I can't believe this incredible idea that I had
by Oscar Pretain, High as a Kite

This idea I had — it was, it was just amazing.

I was just stabbed in the brain. Like this thought was in another instance of time. Like little fragments of it were shattered off. It send ripples across the Universe.

Like 100 Watts, man, flashing across a conductor … across the filaments of a bulb. It was some powerful revolution of sheer awe — in an instant — as it passed across my mind.

Beginning, middle and end were uprooted and smashed together into this one singularity, this one moment. Like Dirac or some shit, on top of his, his delta function. I was riding this tiny … sliver of everything, high on infinity.

You couldn't understand that feeling, though. The feeling of that utter moment of enlightenment. Like a Buddha. Like the mighty Zeus had etched in the granite of my consciousness: "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Holy shit, man. It's like my thoughts took on a material form in front of my eyes. This whirlwind … whirlwind of particles, they did a dance. What's that called? Transubstantiation and shit? Yeah, that. Whoa.

A chorus blew with certainty; this has to be right. It was Biblical, man. This feeling of oneness in my psyche. Comfortably numb while trembling with inspiration. Yes.

It's so trite, but it's so true. I could almost see my neurons snap like the spark of a filament illuminating a bulb. In my eyes. In front of me. The things just connected, were bridged, like I've never felt before. Like I was a god. My God. My God? God.

I almost pissed my pants, this idea was so good. My fingers shook, trembled, spasmed as I tried to pick up a pen — to write it all down. I was paralyzed by awe.

What could this idea mean for the fate of humanity? Being? Life itself cannot even be comprehended. What will this do? Who will get it? What if no one gets it?

I have to share this thought with someone immediately. If I die in the next few hours before human contact … it's all … gone. Gone?

What is gone? Time goes on with my thoughts somewhere? In another parallel time? My god, that's brilliant…
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