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 Yes, yes. A valuable addition to any kitchen. Right. Yes. Set it and forget it? And
give up a little responsibility to the, uh, machines — is that it? Of course. Life's a little easier when it's harder to burn your chicken
with all the rotating and the heat
dispersion. But, but
I digress, yes, and see
with less
respons
ibility
comes less
control. We set it and forget it and
and the whole world rotates around a 200-pound metal inferno
. So when the wheels come off this thing, we don't know what to do, and we'll be
eating dinner at three in the morning, and we'll
we'll set our watches by ... by the speed of the thing's motor, and perhaps dinosaurs will maul us half to death, and
and ... there you have it. |
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 So this thing, uh, sounds and looks kind of like a
you know, a marital aid, but actually, well, it chops up your
vegetables, your various foodstuffs, and
yes. If you don't like broccoli, you can chop it up with pineapple and orange, leaving you with a
uh, smoothie, and you can't taste the broccoli. So we have
covert veggies
infiltrating everything
fruit, alcohol and, uh, lymph nodes? Who knows? Kids from Magic Bullet homes 10 years from now won't even know what broccoli looks like, but
but it'll be, uh, in tiny pieces
in air
and water
and what have you. |
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 Wow! What is this? Yes, so it can straighten your hair with its, uh, thousands of little pins
which are very, uh, very strategically placed to control the
the kinks. Just imagine every single strand gliding through and then returning straighter than
ever. It seems to create an apparent paradox between the high-priced straighteners and this space age yet, uh, affordable
creation. The others merely
flatten the
the kinks in your hair, but the MaxiGlide slides through like a rip in the space-time continuum. That's, uh, that's as rare as an alien attack on Earth. |
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 A vacuum that operates without a
human being. Yes, and therefore without the-the-the assistance of
human hands. This puts us at an existential conundrum:
machine versus man, man versus machine
a calamity that, uh, yes
harkens back to the old days. When will this ageless metaphor
cease? On the fifth day, God creates man; on the sixth he creates a robotic vacuum. In turn, man destroys God, man creates a robotic
vacuum, then
this, uh, robotic vacuum destroys man. This rotation — err, this cycle continues to the end
of time. But what is time? |
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