September 2005 (v8 i1)
Having Fleeting Delusions of Grandeur Since 1997
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Financially dependent student scoffs at living with parents
Freshmen in dorms show contempt toward freshmen in subdivisions
by Stephen Short, Staff Writer

Have you read the latest Doedalus? No? Maybe
you should move out of the basement.
CAMPUS — As freshman Kyle Beeman fas­tened the last remaining bed suspender to his Jester West dormitory mattress, he officially began his new, self-sufficient life at college.

"I'm so stoked to get away from my parents and experience the real world," exclaimed an eager Beeman, unpacking a "Bevo Welcome Bucket" containing a shower tote, popcorn medley and detergent samples. "I can manage an allowance all by myself. And because I don't have a car, I don't have to worry about those high gas prices."

Enjoying newfound independence from his parents, Beeman has instituted a rigid daily schedule, allowing him to balance class with free time to explore campus.

"My first class is at noon, so I usually sleep in until then," yawned Beeman as he watched a Jimmy Neutron marathon on TV. "Being all by yourself can be tough, particularly when you have to wake up so early."

Weaving through the West Mall on his way to Tiki Hut, his tropical-themed Freshman In­terest Group, Beeman remarked: "I don't know. Maybe I'll see if that junior down the hall will buy me some beer."

Later, Beeman recalled other advantages to living away from home as he dined in silence with his roommate at Jester City Limits.

"I don't have to deal with my brother who constantly stole my towels and blasted Aaron Carter music, since we don't share a room anymore," explained Beeman as he purchased a liter of milk for $6.75 at Jester City Market. "You don't realize how independent you are until you use an ATM instead of asking your mom for cash," said Beeman, withdrawing a wad of money from his parentally funded bank account.

Beeman added: "You know, the best part about being self-reliant is all the free time I have. I could play online poker all night if I wanted. That reminds me: When will Aunt Ira send me that check?"

Although most freshmen reside on campus, an increasing number choose to live with their parents while attending classes. For freshman Sandra Bell, the extra cost of dorm life deterred her from moving out.

"It's great. I don't have to pay for rent, gro­ceries or anything else. Why move from the bank when it lives in the next room?" asked Bell, as she handed a pile of dirty laundry to her mother. "Plus, my mom reminds me to take my birth control every day."

Despite the many advantages, Bell concedes some downsides to living at home.

"Sharing a room with my little sister can be difficult," explained Bell. "She plays Aaron Carter music when I try to study, and I have to stay on the couch when she has sleepovers," sighed Bell. "But I sure don't have to worry about her getting drunkenly fingered by some sleezeball while I try to sleep in the top bunk."

While Bell's parents enjoy their daughter's presence this year, Beeman's mother is still ad­justing to her son's absence.

Tearfully gazing at "Kyle's Corner," a shrine above the mantle showcasing pictures, bronzed baby shoes and the mum he wore to home­coming, Mrs. Beeman sniveled: "I told him to drop by anytime to do laundry or eat. Beeman Bucks are always accepted here."
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