March 2005 (v7 i5)
Sockin' it to You Since 1997
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Travesty Index
Percentage by which tuition has increased since 2000: 150

Percentage of tuition spent keeping campus Y2K compliant: 0.00002

Amount of funds set aside for emergencies: $46 million

Number of money fights regents engage in each day: 6

Amount of leftover funds in UT System: $115 million

Number of whining students who will reheat some of mom's leftovers after she pays the tuition bill: 15,000

Percentage of students at UT who celebrate Christmas: 70

Number of students' families who have to explain that Santa won't be coming for Christmas this year because of the tuition increase: 28

Price of a student lunch at the Jester 2nd Floor cafeteria: $2.70

Actual cost of lunch at Jester 2nd Floor cafeteria: -$.34

Dollars of economic impact UT has on the state of Texas: $7.4 billion

Dollars of economic impact it takes to sell out the school: however much Man of the House made

Number of functioning toilets in Garrison Hall: 1, sometimes 2

Number of stalls on campus with decent toilet paper: 4

Number of blame-retardant suits owned by the UT administration: 10

Number of disposable jet airplanes owned by UT: 12

Number of low-income students who can no longer afford tuition while the Capitol dumps more money on standardized testing: 94,563
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