• A film undergrad will write a script while following the credo, "Write what you know." But do audiences really want to see a movie about future unemployability?
• Morning clouds will fool everyone into carrying an umbrella around all day in the glaring sun.
• A pack of ravenous wolves will break into Jester City Limits, but will leave when they find nothing suitable to eat.
• If the girls wearing miniskirts and flip-flops in 40-degree weather are any indication, hypothermia is the new haute.
• Students protesting Taco Bell for human rights should instead be protesting for the right to buy a taco that doesn't taste like seasoned bat turds in a cardboard shell.
• A hairy guy meditating by the Turtle Pond will become one with artificial aquatics.
• The driver of a Honda Civic with racing stripes and blue neon lights will realize that his car is neither fast nor furious.
• Overweight pigeons will shit on unsuspecting students eating lunch outside the Union.
• A pedestrian and a driver at the intersection of Speedway and 2121 will engage in an 18-hour standoff as they repeatedly attempt to wave each other on.
• Newly-elected student government officers will deliberate over whether "issued recommendations" or "brainstormed recommendations" is better for their resumes.
• Strangely, hopscotch will continue to be an unpopular sport on the South Mall.
• Overly enthusiastic physics professors will suffer a crushing blow to their egos when students fail to get yet another lame joke about ergodic fields.
• An overheard snippet of conversation in Chinese will make you feel culturally broadened somehow.
• Two tragically unaware guys will sit next to each other in lecture while wearing the same pathetically mass-marketed shirt. "Everything is Bigger in Texas?" Except variety.
• People everywhere are chewing way too loud.
• Students will naively continue to believe some things aren't too good to be true and that over-sugared smoothies that taste like ice cream are actually good for them.
• Researchers will find that the greatest spreaders of the common cold are the apparently never-cleaned screens of the self-checkout registers at HEB.
• Studying for midterms will turn out to be one of the most expensive endeavors ever undertaken by students who buy numerous $4 coffee drinks at local coffee shops for days on end.