|
|
|
Dr. Nancy Daley is a licensed psychologist who has taught human sexuality in the
Department of Educational Psychology since 1996. She hadn't heard of sex prior to that. |
|
 Q:
I don't have a problem with gay people, but I just found out that a girl I work with is a lesbian. She's really cool, and we get along very well. She has never come on to me before, but when I am around her, because she is a lesbian, I'm afraid she is checking me out or that she wants to sleep with me. What should I do?
A:
Whoa! You think you don't have a problem with gay people? Listen, just because you've seen a couple episodes of Queer Eye doesn't make you a beacon of tolerance and acceptance.
So your coworker happens to be interested in dating other women. Does that mean she is interested in shacking up with you? No. Are you afraid every guy that you encounter might be checking you out or wanting to sleep with you? Chances are you're flattering yourself.
The more serious issue here is one which members of the LGBTQ community must face everyday, and that is the hypersexualization of their lives and relationships.
Our culture only sees one side of gay life, and that's sex. How much of who you are as a person is defined by what you do when you are having sex? Unless you are Ron Jeremy or Heidi Fleiss, you probably have many other traits with which you would first choose to identify yourself.
When we think that because someone is gay, they must have sexual motives, that's pretty damaging and unfair. Unfortunately, for hundreds of years, we have demonized certain people in order to suppress them by hypersexualizing them, whether it is a woman accusing a man of rape, members of certain racial/ethnic groups or people from different sexual orientations.
When we discuss LGBT issues in class, I usually get a couple of students who will say, "I don't have a thing against gays, I just don't understand why they think they can hold hands or kiss each other in public. Keep it in the bedroom." And I tell them, "Hey, when was the last time you held your girlfriend/boyfriend's hand in the mall or kissed your sweetheart on Sixth Street? Why don't you keep it in the bedroom?!" The bottom line is, if you can't handle being around people who may be — gasp! — different than yourself, do us all a favor and stay home.
|
|
Q:
How can I get my girlfriend to let me shave her pussy?
Q:
How can I get my girlfriend to let me come on her tits?
A:
These two questions offer me the perfect opportunity to teach like a real teacher. First, a little social history.
The current trend for women to possess a clean-shaven pubic region irritates my 1970s feminist mentality. It's not exactly in the same category as requiring all females to possess big, round double-D breasts that stand out like softballs on a 100-pound body, but it is still a powerful statement about the undesirable status of the natural female body.
I can see where some judicious trimming can make sex, especially oral sex, more pleasant for both genders, and I am sure some women actually prefer being clean-shaven even though most of us are tired enough of running razors up and down our legs and armpits every damn day. But the naked pussy thing bothers me.
I think it highlights our much-repressed, forbidden longing for pre-pubescent girls, if you must know. Why don't you check out 100 popular magazines and see how many real, life-like, grown-up women's images you can find? Let's try to find grown women sexually attractive, shall we?
On to part two: "The Pearl Necklace." Before I start, let me ask that those males among you who have learned their sexual technique from XXX movies do the women of the world a big favor. Please hurry to a XXX video store owned by women and rent yourself some videos written, directed and produced by women. These may just give you an inkling of what women enjoy in their fantasies and, often, in their beds. Thank you.
If your girlfriend seems put off by your desire to ejaculate on her breasts (see, I too am capable of the real names for things), you might have a conversation with her about why this is so. Some women may share that old 1970s feminist sensibility and find such practices demeaning, although I must say that mutually pleasurable, respectful sex can be wholly incendiary. It also involves acts the editor really doesn't care for me to go into and is never demeaning to either party.
And ladies, if you haven't quit reading yet, think about this: If you engage in sexual activities with males, and you still find semen disgusting, you need to think about why you find it so. Then give some serious consideration to the following question: Why in hell are you having sex when you find such an important component of it to be nasty?
Finally, let me play psychologist and explain the difference between Foot-in-the-Door and Door-in-the-Face techniques for making, shall we say, unpopular requests. In the first instance, you ask first for the thing you think your sweetheart will probably agree to. Once she does, your foot is in the door for requesting the less likely behavior.
"Hey, babe, how 'bout you let me come on your tits, just for fun?"
"Oh, well, okay."
(A reasonable period of time elapses. . .)
"Babe, how 'bout I shave your pussy?"
With Door-in-the-Face, you start with the thing you know she'll slap you down for:
"Let you loose down there with a fucking razor blade? No fucking way!"
Then bat your eyelashes in a disappointed but fetching way and say:
"Oh, well, baby, how 'bout if I come on your tits?"
In this case, it's a matter of knowing whether your girlfriend would be more disgusted by having your yang essence smeared all over her chest or terrified by the very thought of you coming within 1,000 yards of her personal parts with a sharp implement.
|
|
| « Back to the March 2005 issue |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
