February 2005 (v7 i4)
Counting the Ways Since 1997
 Jump to Issue  

Buy Merchandise

AIM Buddy Icons

Desktop Backgrounds


What!? You’ve never been skiing?
by Ken Stevens, Seasonal Skier

Please tell me you're kidding. You've never felt the rush of traversing down the fall line of a double-black diamond, your brand-new Solomons digging into fresh powder? Listen man, my ski trip in Crested Butte over winter break was sooo badass. Some friends and I (come on, you really didn't ski over break?) stayed at my parents' cabin. Getting there really sucked: my Tahoe with the kickass ski rack was in the shop, so we had to take my parent's Volvo. The cabin was too cramped for the three of us, but we didn't mind having those Swedish models over one night. Man, I guess Volvos are a babe magnet — a Swedish babe magnet! Score!

Hey! Wait up man, I'm not done. So anyway, the second I hit the powder was awesome. The T-bar was right next to the cabin (I guess you could call it slope-side lodging), so it wasn't too hard to garland to the flow line. Of course, I made sure to use my cants to get maximum flexion and extension when carving the slope.

(I hope you know slope and flow line are the same thing. Sometimes I forget I'm speaking to someone who's never been skiing before.)

Anyway, on the way down the blue square— What's that? Yes, I know that's only intermediate difficulty (Wait a sec! You have been skiing before!), but there weren't enough moguls for my taste on the diamonds. But then again, it's all alpine skiing to me.

Oh dude, this one time in high school, my whole class got to go heli-skiing way above the tree line. (In case you don't know, heli-skiing is when they take you in a helicopter to virgin powder.) I guess I didn't know how to properly control my center of mass back then, because I went careening all the way down the vertical drop to the base lodge. I was in sooo much pain, but après-ski, these snow bunnies helped me find my sweet spot, if you know what I mean! Score! But seriously, all of my "instructors" conformed to ATS rules as dictated by the PSIA. (Dude, you totally know what that means. Don't interrupt to ask — it's rude.)

Hey, have you ever been to Aspen? Because last year my parents took the whole family there on this—

What's that? You have to go to work? Dude, I'm a student — I don't have a job.

Anyway, we stayed at this terrain park with quarter pipes, splines, and everything. It had to be the most badass terrain park in existence. Oh yeah, I could have skied-in/skied-out, but it was so much fun there. Oh man, skiing is awesome. I guess you wouldn't know.
« Back to the February 2005 issue
©1997-2006 Texas Travesty | Copyright & Legalese | Issue Credits | Texas Travesty Archives Home