February 2005 (v7 i4)
Counting the Ways Since 1997
 Jump to Issue  

Buy Merchandise

AIM Buddy Icons

Desktop Backgrounds


Texas Democrats excited about new legislative session
Members happy to finally gossip all together
by Kathryn Edwards, Associate Editor

"Alright, first order of business: just where
did you get that dazzling necktie, Mr. Strama?
Do tell!"
AUSTIN — As the Texas Legislature began its new session Jan. 11, Democrat representatives rejoiced over once again being able to gossip together about a range of topics instead of individually over the phone.

Among the topics of conversation were Republican representatives' failed efforts to lose weight, U.S. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson's horrendous taste in shoes, and the nagging question of Gov. Rick Perry's sexual preference.

"I heard that Tom Craddick was going on the Zone Diet when we were out of session, but he clearly didn't stick to that plan," commented Kevin Bailey to fellow Houston representatives Joe Moreno and Harold Dutton.

The three giggled as Bailey continued: "Not that anything could work. Please, it's called the 'Zone Diet,' not the 'Zone Miracle!'"

The three had to hush their laughter when they entered the rotunda and made their way to the Legislative Conference Center in the extension of the Capitol building, where every Democrat representative would be meeting for the annual New Session Kickoff Party.

"I'm just glad that we don't have to phone-relay all the good gossip anymore," said Moreno. "I know that I went over my minutes every month when the House was out of session. Now that we're back, I can hear all the good bits of gossip, and I still have time to talk to my kids. It's a win-win!"

As the three men entered the elevator to the Capitol extension, they saw a woman with clunky shoes walk by. They did their best to contain their catty comments until the door shut, leaving them in the privacy of the elevator.

Relieved, Dutton exclaimed: "Did those shoes serve some kind of orthopedic function? Because they were worse than [Kay Bailey] Hutchinson's — if that's even possible!"

Dutton continued his slam of Hutchinson's shoes until they reached the Kickoff Party. After listening in on their conversation awhile, Stephen Frost, D-New Boston, interjected.

"I can't believe that mannish heifer really wants to run for governor. She could never do a better job than the brilliant Ann Richards or look as good in gubernatorial pumps as Rick Perry."

Frost took a sip of his cocktail before adding: "I hear he recruits his interns from Oilcan Harry's."

The conversation then turned to last year's rumors about Perry's sexual orientation, diverting other legislators who were busy trading meatloaf recipes and talking about how David Dewhurst really climbed the Republican ranks to become lieutenant governor.

Yvonne Davis, D-Dallas, attempted to steer the conversation back to the upcoming legislative agenda before being dismissed with a flood of hisses. The other legislators then resumed with their hushed whispers and high-pitched squeals.

"Talk like this reminds me of our fab-o road trip," said Garnet Coleman, D-Houston. "Who knew Oklahoma could be so much fun?"

"Oh! Don't bring it up," said Mark Strama, newly elected to the legislature. "I didn't have a chance to go, and all I hear about is how fun it was. Cable TV, room service and no work to do — all the new guys are jealous. We should totally go again!"
Back to the February 2005 issue
©1997-2006 Texas Travesty | Copyright & Legalese | Issue Credits | Texas Travesty Archives Home