February 2005 (v7 i4)
Counting the Ways Since 1997
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Attention all units! We have an emergency! We're being flooded—with incoming gossip!

Cheaters never prosper
If her frantic call for help was any indication, looks like Megacorp secretary Amy P. will be needing a new job as well as a new eyeball. Apparently, Amy and her boss Mr. C. were "working late" when Mrs. C. walked in on them and went crazier than Osama bin Laden at a Baptist church revival! While Amy's half-missing face and dead lover are pretty sad sights, our sympathies go to Mrs. C. Poor lady. It's hard to say what's more broken: her heart, or the desk lamp she used to bash in her cheating husband's skull!

Some like it hot
Yeeeeeooow! Word has it that hunky new firefighter Andy E. may actually be starting fires — in ladies' hearts! Just ask local student Meredith B., who was recently rescued by this four alarm hottie. Andy, ever the gentleman, not only carried an unconscious Meredith to the ambulance, he gave her mouth-to-mouth when he realized she was in cardiac arrest! If you ask me, dreamy Andy is just as big a heart-stopper as severe smoke inhalation! And it looks like Meredith might have a crush to go along with her crushed ribs and lungs!

It's all about the chemistry
Are community theatre actor Robert G. and modeling agency telemarketer Jen K. back together again despite their very public breakup and subsequent gunfight? Seems to be the case, since a source has confirmed it was indeed Jen who called poison control last weekend screaming that Robert had downed a mix of windshield fluid and black tar heroin and passed out on the bathroom floor in a pool of Cheeto vomit and Us Weeklys. I guess some things are meant to be, like the twelve innocent bystander deaths in the gunfight!

Explosive tempers
Uh-oh! Ca-ca-catfight! It's no secret that Sgts. Rhoda T. and Jane W. have been feuding since Sgt. W. supposedly stole Sgt. T's date to the policeman ball. However, things really blew up this weekend when both officers were called to the same Motel 6 hostage situation. It was here that Sgt. T. decided to "accidentally" bump into Sgt. W. while the latter was trying to disarm a perimeter bomb. Kablowey! Too bad these two didn't get a chance to bury the hatchet before their precincts buried them!
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