Love everyone for being not like you White? Brown? Black? Red? Blue? We love ‘em all at the University of Texas! Why should we dislike each other when we can all unite against a common enemy? This is just one of many attempts for OAs to broach a serious subject, but really just spill hate rhetoric about why Aggies are all ass-backwards, toothless, overall-wearing, trailer-park-and-proud-of-it racists! Be just like the OAs and learn to compartmentalize your hate (!!!!!!).
Come enjoy the taste of our mascot’s riblets! Learn hometowns and majors of various other confused, frightened freshmen as you make friends and sink your teeth into spare ribs and a side of brisket. Dinner will be followed by a blow-out organization fair extravaganza as lots of eager volunteers prey on your naiveté and your willingness to address them.
|FIG: Finding Important Goals
It may seem like you’re being awkwardly forced to make friends with random people, but you’ll soon Fit In Great! Have endless fun watching your peer mentor struggle to make everyone Feel Incredibly Good! Friends! Indoctrination! Gregariousness! Remember: join a Freshman Interest Group (or Fail Indefinitely, Goober)!