|
|
|
mailbag concerns and praise
from our literate public |
 |
Be my first mate
Ahoy! Check out that booty! Yer the finest in all the land, ho! Sweeter than rum, that’s wot ye are. I’ve got a long wooden member, ye know. Wot? I’m just talkin’ bout me peg leg! Got any “secret treasure” ta share? I sure could find yer X-marked spot, if ye know what I mean. Har, har. Wait, come back! I knew I loved ye from the moment I laid my one good eye on ye... Arrrrrrgh!
Captain Lamerton
Wants to loot your drawers
Hey, have you seen my belt?
I swear it was just here yesterday. Are you sure you haven't seen it? You had it last time. I'm not accusing you, I'm just saying you had it last time. I'm just looking in your room in case; maybe I left it in there.
Your roommate
Thinks you stole his belt
Mooching
Yeah, it sucked missing so many class days this year. Do you think you could loan me all your notes and your book so I can study for finals? It would really help me out. I hope you bulleted and dated them.
Kid who sits next to you in History
Hasn’t been to class in five weeks
Get your filthy tongue off of me
Seriously, if you don’t stop poking at me, I’m never going away.
Canker sore on the side of your cheek
Hurts so good
im’ takni ovader this fuickinh thign
hye ashslhoels im goinafg to steakl youer litlee magainze neraspapere picec o fshit haahahha i’m jusat fuaickin wiht ya youre;w a realhk bnuch of moawtherfuikers!!
Giggles the Clown
Recurring character
Inevitability
Haha, you know, you would have caught that bus if you’d left just 5 seconds earlier. And that test? One more point, and you’d have passed the class. Well, things are always better the second time around. Or not, seeing as I’m going to make sure you get the same prick T.A. again. What? Of course I know the rain is totally unnecessary — but you didn’t bring an umbrella, I couldn’t help myself. Oh, and that bird picking your head out of all the exposed heads in the world to crap on? Nice touch, eh?
Murphy
Layin’ down the law
Vegetable trickery
Your girlfriend loves me. She gets me real steamy, right when I need it the most. My juices trickle down her chin. I’m inside her. And boy does her pee stink because of me.
Asparagus
Not a cucumber |
 |
| « Back to the May 2004 issue |
|
|
|
|
|
|
