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Elementary students have giggle-fit over word 'ass' Children dub school day "best ever" by Joel Siegel, Staff Writer
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 | An artistic representation of the event by young
Nick Collinson. |
HARTFORD, CT — The classroom of Felicia Thurman erupted into a din of laughter earlier today when the Laguna Elementary School teacher told student Philip Milam that he had asked "a stupid-ass question." Thurman's reaction, which students unanimously agree has made this particular school day the "best ever," was the first of its kind from the teacher, who had stuck like glue to an old adage.
"I use to really believe that there was no such thing as a stupid question," said Thurman, "just extenuating circumstances in regard to the child's home-life and background. But this dumb-ass kid changed my whole perspective on shit."
Known for his less-than-perfect attendance and poor academic performance, Milam has a reputation among Thurman's family and friends, often serving as a dinner table anecdote.
"She always has some crack about that bastard kid," said husband and dental hygienist Randall Thurman. "Our friends with children just love hearing about those little degenerates at the public schools."
The incident occurred during the class's provocative discussion on bats. During fellow student Colby Aphis' explanation that they are the only winged mammals, describing them as "fly-around," Milam interjected with his query regarding the reasoning behind the name of fruit bats. Thurman then retorted with her derogatory remark, evoking much laughter from the rest of the class.
 Spurred by the class' praise of the scene and its initiator, Milam proceeded to gloat about his achievement by performing his trademark "pee-pee dance" and accompanying chant, eliciting even more pandemonium from the class.
"It was so funny," remarked classmate Angela Barsette. "He ran around the room picking up the stapler and even some of the chalk." Other students recalled the ruckus made by Milam's extended hand while fervently running alongside the cubbyholes.
Though no official comment has been made by the school's administration, many fifth-grade students predict the teacher's remarks will get her in "big trouble."
"Uummmmum mum mum um umm mum," warned one cautious ten-year-old girl. The student also went on to remark that had the principal not already been informed of Ms. Thurman's comments, she probably would have otherwise told on her.
Thurman has indicated that though her comment was severe, the administration must consider the context of her stress level and the regular sub-par performance from her class.
"I had spent all night before grading those plate-tectonics projects," recalled Thurman. "Some of the kids just put a check mark on an otherwise blank sheet of paper and titled it 'Soccer Balls!' What am I supposed to do with that?"
As for the future of her teaching career, Thurman noted only that she had "had it up to here," indicating a point somewhere between her eyebrows and hairline. |
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