November 2003 (v6 i3)
Doubting the moon landing since 1997
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Pastor finally on board with ‘Got Salvation’ campaign
by JJ Hermes, Staff Writer

AUSTIN, TX — Local pastor Rev. Bill Stevens expressed enthusiasm at a weekly public relations meeting for the River Fell Baptist Church concerning a new billboard that simply states, “Got salvation?” Touting its creativity and flair, Stevens hopes the new billboard will attract a younger crowd of churchgoers.

“It’s just like the milk commercials—have you seen them?” asked Stevens. “I saw one just last week, and it gave me this idea. Even though it’s pretty obscure, I think the general public will appreciate its wit.”

Some of the middle-aged volunteers at the meeting rolled their eyes at the reverend, too afraid to point out that the well-known “Got milk?” campaign is dated and overused. Although some harbored silent opposition, most Stevens loyalists continued to side with him.

Criticism from the group came from Peter Bartlett, who presented the slogan in a meeting almost three years prior, only to be rejected by Stevens.

“That slogan is so tired and hackneyed,” said Bartlett. “You know something’s dead when four-eyed computer nerds with bad haircuts start wearing ‘Got root?’ T-shirts.”

After being immediately silenced by the majority lead behind Reverend Stevens, Bartlett went back to tuning his acoustic guitar.

“I think this is one of the best ideas we’ve had in years,” said Stevens. “Those commercials are darling, and it may be just the right time to get more people on board with Christianity.”

The sign comes on the heels of the marginally-successful “He died for your sins” advertisements that seemed to threaten the public more than sway their religious interests. Aside from the “Got salvation?” campaign, other ideas that were discussed include “Absolut Christ” and “Eat Mor Com-moo-nion.”
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