November 2003 (v6 i3)
Doubting the moon landing since 1997
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Bush asks Congress for lots of money
by John Roper, Staff Writer

Pretty please? With sugar on top?"
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an address to a joint session of Congress on Wednesday, President Bush made a request for increased funding. Although not uncommon, the request has come under fire for not specifying an amount.

“I was hoping, maybe you guys could give me some cash,” the President said to the assembly. When asked if he had a specific amount in mind, the president replied, “I dunno. How much ya got?”

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) proposed allocating to the executive branch $15 billion that had originally been set aside for social security, but when pressed for an explanation of what the money would be used for, Bush appeared frustrated: “What, you don't trust me? I thought we were buds! You want receipts or something?”

Despite the president’s hurried and dismissive attitude, members of Congress demanded justification.

“Just forget it,” said Bush. “If I knew you were going to be such bitches about it, I wouldn't have bothered.” The president then stormed out of the chamber, returning only moments later to apologize.

“I’m sorry fellas. I had to take a squirt. So what did you say, $18 billion? Yeah, $20 billion would be good. But geez, I really hate to ask. Do you think I could have a little more than $25 billion?”

As past instances of unpaid debts and squelched bets were raised, Bush assured Congress, “Aww, don't hold me to any of that. You know I'm good for it. I'll have it back to you by the end of the fiscal quarter. Well, next quarter. By the end of my second term, for sure.”
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