|
|
|
mailbag concerns and praise
from our literate public |
 |
At 3AM
Meep...meep...meep...meep...meep...meep...meep...meep...meep...meep...meep...
Your smoke detector
Faulty
Ring-A-Ling, I’m coming to town
You’ve been good. I’ve been horny. Here I come.
Santa Claus
Easing into your chimney
A sad, sad tale
I have recently been introduced to your paper, and I must say that it I am highly offended by everything it stands for. You see, my entire family was murdered by a humor publication in front of my eyes. It was Christmas Eve of 1992, and the paper broke into my house looking for some valuables to sell for inhalants. When my father tried to stop the paper from leaving with my new Sega Genesis, the aforementioned publication shot him 10 times. Then it continued to go through the house and shoot my mom, sister, brother, adopted brother (he got it the worst), and goldfish. I only escaped certain death by luring the paper into my bedroom with the promise of sexual acts and then ripping it in half. I know that all of you guys mean well, but your immediate shut down is the only thing that can prevent me from taking the law into my own hands.
Beau DeBroc
Whiny Pussy
I’m watching you
Hello my ignorant, inept populace. I just wanted to let you know that I know you might hate me, fear me, disrespect me, but keep in mind that I am the reason you are where you are. If you feel like I am keeping you down, just take that as a sign from God through me that you are worthless and unimportant. And probably stupid.
The Man
Inescapable
Sorry, I don’t have any change
Don’t make eye contact... don’t ask me for change... cute dog... look at... smoothie?... weird smell... oh look at... urine?... don’t make eye contact... is that Doug?... no... nice day…she’s hot... hmm, tie-die thong…
Your internal monologue while on the Drag
Repetitive
Elderly Ineptitude
So, do I double click on this? What’s a right click? Uh oh, it closed. Why is it making this noise? Where do I put words for the mail? Are we in the Internet? I wish your grandfather was still alive.
Your grandmother
Trying to check her e-mail |
 |
| « Back to the November 2003 issue |
|
|
|
|
|
|
