November 2003 (v6 i3)
Doubting the moon landing since 1997
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Business student farts at wrong time
by John Roper, Staff Writer

AUSTIN — Delivering a routine PowerPoint presentation for his Creating and Managing Human Capital class, Business senior Trevor Helton audibly passed gas in an area of the presentation he had designated for applause. Unfortunately, the applause was not forthcoming, and the flatulence was heard by everbody who was not sleeping in the small, upper-division class.

Helton’s classmates allowed themselves the few muffled chuckles that properly restrained go-getters are allowed in such circumstances, as instructed in Management 354J: Economics of Restraint in Management. After a noticeable and uncomfortable pause, Helton recovered by clearing his throat and pressing forward with his meaningless montage of charts and graphs.

“The second component for managing skills and knowledge is to identify and manage worker skills and knowledge,” Helton continued. “This is accomplished by using the results from the job analysis just described.”

While many in the class, including the professor, regarded the incident as “hilarious,” business experts believe that it failed to derail Helton and the entirety of Business students’ inevitable ascent into middle management.

Professor Curtis Irwin remarked, "Well, of course, I had to deduct two points off for style. While it's not specified in the criteria, it certainly qualifies. Maybe I should dock him on preparation, too, since he obviously didn't monitor his diet during the last four to eight hours. They’re supposed to cover that in Management 366H [Management of Bodily Functions]."

On his way out, Helton could be heard muttering to himself, “Damn! Damn damn damn damn damn!” If he follows guidelines taught to him in his Office Atmosphere Mediation class, Helton will properly vent his anger on one of four predetermined entities: household pet, homeless person, custodian, or teenage stepchild.
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