November 2003 (v6 i3)
Doubting the moon landing since 1997
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Father Paul's Confession Corner

God isn’t the only one who sees and hears all! So does Father Paul, and he tells all, too!

Midnight Tryst!
Uh-oh! Married man Wayne P. has been caught cheating...on his diet, that is! Word is Wayne has been answering late night calls from his belly, often making sure his wife Judy is fast asleep before sneaking down to the kitchen to gorge on cold pizza and lentils. Hope Mrs. P. doesn’t notice the tell-tale signs around the edges of her famous fudge meatloaf!

Someone’s Going to Hell!
Looks like the phrase “bad aftertaste” has taken on a whole new meaning for Leticia D. Leticia is worried her heartburn might give way to another kind of burn—think fire and brimstone!—after a sinfully delicious lunch at Taco Cabana, where she spread butter on a tortilla bearing the image of the Virgin Mary and ate it! Better pray your Rolaids don’t spell e-t-e-r-n-a-l d-a-m-n-a-t-i-o-n, silly blasphemer!

Gluttony, Greed, and Gall!
An inside source tells me naughty Johnny R. got in the communion line twice this Sunday, greedily scarfing down two wafers in the course of one Mass. The rule is one transubstantiated salvation per person, you sneaky boy!

More Sinning!
If his disobedient behavior to date is any indicator, Mike and Mary J.’s infant son Kyle is headed for a wicked life filled with Lutheranism and premarital sex. Baby Kyle not only defiantly chose to be born 6 weeks premature, but peed in the baptismal during his dedication ceremony! Time to break out the oak paddle!

Unfortunate Accident!
Father Thomas molested three schoolboys this morning, but it’s ok, because he had Subway!

Debauchery (Kinky!)
Newlyweds Andrew and Michelle B. have admitted to using birth control, confessing not only to engaging in non-procreative intercourse, but to allowing room for the devil’s glove in their sacred marriage bed. Let’s hope God doesn’t find out, because He’ll probably curse any children they have with extra limbs!

Stupid Criminal!
Who does the guy selling fake holy water on the intersection of Hollywood and 5th think he’s fooling? Anyone can tell you Dasani is not the Latin word for ‘blessed’. The nerve of some people!
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