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Guy named Gene takes baths Underclassmen entertained by weirdo returning student by Jake Wilburn, Managing Editor
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 | "Hey, guys. I'm Gene. I'm a geneuinely nice guy --
ha! -- and I also happen to be really lonely." |
AUSTIN — Students Brian Bouse and Craig Sutherland recently reported that a 37-year-old returning student named Gene in their Geology lab group takes baths. The two Liberal Arts majors, who have been fascinated by Gene's curious personality since the first day of class when he wore a Winnie the Pooh T-shirt, explained how the issue came up during the casual conversation Gene is prone to make with students despite their age difference.
"Gene was rambling on and on about some crafts fair he went to or something," recounted Bouse. "No one was really listening. But then he said something about how his water heater was out and he hadn't 'had a hot bath in almost two days.' That got me and Craig's attention immediately. Then he said he 'couldn't wait to go home, draw some hot water, and just relax in the tub until he was pruney all over.' At that point I couldn't even look at Craig because I knew I'd just lose it."
Discussing the incident after class, the two students found this personal habit to be in complete concordance with Gene's disposition as they knew it, and even with the name "Gene" itself.
"I don't know why but it's just so fitting," extended Bouse chuckling. "Man, that guy is such a hilarious weirdo."
The information spawned a number of ongoing jokes and references between Bouse, Sutherland, and some of their mutual friends who had been told of Gene's character.
"I am who I am," said Sutherland, impersonating the bather with an exaggerated, nasally tone. "My name is Gene, and I take baths."
The hypothetical question of how much money it would take to convince each of the young men to join Gene in the bath tub was promptly raised by Sutherland, providing the young men with an immensely entertaining discussion on the ride back to Bouse's apartment.
"Brian said he'd do it for a million bucks," Craig reported. "But I say 'fuck that.' I don't think there's any amount of money in the world that could get me in the tub with that nutjob."
Bouse, however, did not find this to be an accurate explanation of his final decision.
"Bullshit," he defended. "I said I might take a bath with Gene for a million bucks. Might! I'm not dying to do it or anything. I'm just saying a million bucks is a lot of money."
Since the discovery, Gene has continued to enthrall his lab mates with his indelible quirkiness. Most recently, Gene came to class with a morose temperament and a stack of flyers portraying and describing his lost cat "Anastasia," whom he hoped to retrieve by distributing awareness.
Bouse and Sutherland found the flyer quite amusing, especially the remark at the end that read, "Please return my Anastasia. I miss her and she misses me!" The document has been placed on Bouse's refrigerator and will not be removed until Gene's existence ceases to be hilarious. |
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