October 2003 (v6 i2)
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Schwarzenegger defies odds, defeats Coleman
Political analysts stumped, attribute victory to cagey, street-smart style
by John Roper, Staff Writer

SACRAMENTO, CA — Underdog Republican candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger was confirmed as the winner in California's gubernatorial recall race Tuesday, with 95 percent of districts reporting. He defeated frontrunners big-time celebrity Gary Coleman and Democrat Cruz Bustamante despite odds that placed him deep within the pack of 134 candidates.

Embarking on a campaign that was labeled hopeless upon its announcement, Schwarzenegger became the Cinderella candidate of the recall election. This little-known actor charmed California's voters with his soft-spoken, down-to-earth style, coming out of relative obscurity to win.

“This is by far the most representation achieved for lower class immigrants in the United States ever. Probably the world,” said political analyst Bill Glug.

Political experts had put all of their money on Gary Coleman, well-known for his role as Arnold Drummond on the TV show Diff'rent Strokes and running on a campaign of celibacy and toy trains. “To get elected with absolutely no name recognition, in a state notorious for electing on name recognition, is just incredible. A political anomaly,” remarked Stanford political science professor Dr. Thomas Tank.

The election results are being disputed by Mr. Coleman.

“Seriously... who is this guy?” Coleman asked. “I'm the big celebrity in this campaign. What happened? This is even worse than that time Mr. Healy tried to molest Manuel and me in the back of his bicycle shop.”

Schwarzenegger's victory is seen as a big step in the political world, as it has been proven that poor nobodies with no personality can defeat media darlings like Coleman. Having grown up in a poor neighborhood in east Los Angeles before being taken in and raised by an eccentric millionaire, the governor-elect was able to identify with his constituents of the lower economic brackets, without ever losing his street smarts. This was in direct contrast to the campaign of Coleman, which was supported by a wide spectrum of California's elite. Some experts had expressed concerns that Coleman was too distant from voters, with the revelation that he sleeps on a giant pile of money and plays pranks on poor children for fun.

Mr. Coleman's campaign manager, Todd Bridges, is calling for an investigation into the results. “I believe that an independent investigation would be able to conclude that any votes attributed to Arnold Schwarzenegger were actually intended for Gary. Most people know him as Arnold, whereas nobody has ever heard of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nobody.”
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