September 2003 (v6 i1)
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In a recent review of colleges nationwide, Kaplan ranked UT as the nationís #1 ďPeter PanĒ schoolóa place where students come to learn and love and never want to leave! In a new documetary television show, Showtime will follow five special seniors as they embark on what will be their most magical (and hopefully final) year at UT.

Rod Stamp
Should have graduated: Fall '02, Business administration

Why havenít you graduated yet?
Before I came to college, I always had these dreams of being some super party animal with a nickname like "Big Rod" or "Ice Man" or something. I thought by now I would have had tons of wild college experiences, but honestly I havenít even watched two chicks make out, let alone get hopped up on roofies and play hide the baloney pony in the PCL stacks. I just need one last chance to have those experiences that I can later exaggerate and interject into casual conversations.
Samantha Morris
Should have graduated: Spring í02, Philosophy

Why havenít you graduated yet?
Because academia is the only nurturing environment left for those of us who reject the perpetuated falsehood that is our rancid, soul-devouring and consumer-driven culture. Those who wish to enrich our society by reading antiquated existentialist works in a lawn chair at Spider House face relentless persecution from the lilliputian hoi polloi. Also, I was featured on CollegeSlutBags.com getting tagged by two Phelta Thiís. Doesnít help the job search much.
Bekka Schwartz
Should have graduated: Fall í02, English

Why havenít you graduated yet?
As soon as I arrived in Austin I was confronted with the demonic influences of our society. I took it upon myself to speak out on behalf of the environment and other liberal stuff. Instead of studying, I feel it is my moral duty to spend time writing slogans on sidewalks with chalk and being obnoxious in order to get my half-baked ideas across. And, Iím pretty sure my dad owns a money tree.
Corey Minea
Should have graduated: Spring í03, Pharmacy

Why havenít you graduated yet?
I originally started as an American Studies major because I thought their classes on Rock Ďn Roll and ebonics would help me get a job as an MTV VJ. Then one day, my buddy and I were at Eckerdís stocking up on OTC allergy medications, No-Doz, and fingernail polish remover for our party that night, and I thought it would be awesome if I was a pharmacist so I could make some of those Viagra, Allegra, Accutane cocktails that are so big on the rave scene.
Richard Finnell
Should have graduated: Spring í68, Pre-Law

Why havenít you graduated yet?
Back in the late sixties, I was inspired by artists such as Joni Mitchell and Don McLean to drop out of college and pursue a folk career of my own. One day, after I got done performing at a bar in Lampasas, my mom called to tell me that I had lost my student exemption and had been drafted. Well, not only did I skip out on my patriotic duty, but I spent the last 38 years as far from the rice-paddies of ĎNam as possible; smoking Jís on Cambie street in Vancouver and making ends meet by selling plasma to research groups. After the statute of limitations expired on me, I decided to return to U.T. and finish up my law degree. That way I can represent myself in my upcoming litigation of the Zig-Zag corporation concerning the mercury concentration in their product.
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