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In a recent review of colleges nationwide, Kaplan ranked UT as the nation’s #1 “Peter Pan” school—a place where students come to learn and love and never want to leave! In a new documetary television show, Showtime will follow five special seniors as they embark on what will be their most magical (and hopefully final) year at UT.
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Rod Stamp Should have graduated: Fall '02, Business administration
Why haven’t you graduated yet?
Before I came to college, I always had these dreams of being some super party animal with a nickname like "Big Rod" or "Ice Man" or something. I thought by now I would have had tons of wild college experiences, but honestly I haven’t even watched two chicks make out, let alone get hopped up on roofies and play hide the baloney pony in the PCL stacks. I just need one last chance to have those experiences that I can later exaggerate and interject into casual conversations. |
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Samantha Morris Should have graduated: Spring ’02, Philosophy
Why haven’t you graduated yet?
Because academia is the only nurturing environment left for those of us who reject the perpetuated falsehood that is our rancid, soul-devouring and consumer-driven culture. Those who wish to enrich our society by reading antiquated existentialist works in a lawn chair at Spider House face relentless persecution from the lilliputian hoi polloi. Also, I was featured on CollegeSlutBags.com getting tagged by two Phelta Thi’s. Doesn’t help the job search much. |
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Bekka Schwartz Should have graduated: Fall ’02, English
Why haven’t you graduated yet?
As soon as I arrived in Austin I was confronted with the demonic influences of our society. I took it upon myself to speak out on behalf of the environment and other liberal stuff. Instead of studying, I feel it is my moral duty to spend time writing slogans on sidewalks with chalk and being obnoxious in order to get my half-baked ideas across. And, I’m pretty sure my dad owns a money tree. |
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Corey Minea Should have graduated: Spring ’03, Pharmacy
Why haven’t you graduated yet?
I originally started as an American Studies major because I thought their classes on Rock ‘n Roll and ebonics would help me get a job as an MTV VJ. Then one day, my buddy and I were at Eckerd’s stocking up on OTC allergy medications, No-Doz, and fingernail polish remover for our party that night, and I thought it would be awesome if I was a pharmacist so I could make some of those Viagra, Allegra, Accutane cocktails that are so big on the rave scene. |
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Richard Finnell Should have graduated: Spring ’68, Pre-Law
Why haven’t you graduated yet?
Back in the late sixties, I was inspired by artists such as Joni Mitchell and Don McLean to drop out of college and pursue a folk career of my own. One day, after I got done performing at a bar in Lampasas, my mom called to tell me that I had lost my student exemption and had been drafted. Well, not only did I skip out on my patriotic duty, but I spent the last 38 years as far from the rice-paddies of ‘Nam as possible; smoking J’s on Cambie street in Vancouver and making ends meet by selling plasma to research groups. After the statute of limitations expired on me, I decided to return to U.T. and finish up my law degree. That way I can represent myself in my upcoming litigation of the Zig-Zag corporation concerning the mercury concentration in their product. |
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| « Back to the September 2003 issue |
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