September 2003 (v6 i1)
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Country music embraces Pamela Anderson’s boyfriend
by John Roper, Staff Writer

LOS ANGELES — Pamela Anderson’s current boyfriend broke onto the country music charts with the not-in-the-least-bit formulaic “Picture,” a duet with Sheryl Crow, a singer-songwriter best known for being ‘kind of hot—from a distance.’ Pam's boyfriend is best known for having a very famous girlfriend, none other than the one and only Pamela Anderson.

Anderson’s rock-rapper boyfriend, enjoying a level of success comparable to James Brolin, was scooped up by the Baywatch star on the hepatitic rebound. “All of my boyfriends have been rocker this and rocker that,” she said, looking up from her huge breasts. “I like having one that not only fails to truly qualify as a ‘rocker,’ but one whose name makes the label awkward.”

Anderson’s former boyfriend rocker Tommy Lee congratulated Pam on her success: “I’m glad to see Pammy making money. She’s vi-i-i-icious in the sack.” Rocker Bret Micheals from Poison, who happened to be working at the same Guitar Center as Lee, added, “So-o-o-o-o vicious!”

Pamela Anderon’s most recent project, Stan Lee’s Stripperella can be seen every Thursday on SpikeTV, and Baywatch can be seen in syndication everyday between Xena: Warrior Princess and Relic Hunter in every city on planet Earth. Pamela Anderson can also be seen in the pornographic home movies made by her previous rocker boyfriend, available over the internet and at your local public library.

When reached for comment, Anderson’s boyfriend had this to say: “Wait, are you writing an article about me or my girlfriend? I’ve had at least six hit singles. Well, maybe five. Have you already forgotten ‘Bawitdaba?’ It was pretty good, I guess.”
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