March 2006 (v8 i5)
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Sweatshirt proves girl could have attended Stanford
PSAT score referenced six times in conversation
by Eric Seufert, Associate Editor

Smug and pretentious is the look this
CAMPUS — A conversation focused on UT athletics soured after a government 312K class Thursday when government and Plan II freshman Jessica Easton drew attention to the fact that the Stanford sweatshirt she was wearing was purchased during a campus visit.

“Everyone was talking about how great it would be if UT won another national championship, so I brought up the fact that athletics was one of the reasons I chose UT over Stanford,” Easton said of the comment. “I wasn’t trying to brag or anything — I really did have a chance to go to Stanford. That’s why I own this sweatshirt.”

Easton wore the cardinal-colored sweatshirt despite the abnormally warm and humid weather of the season. She defended her decision to wear the extra layer by citing the perpetually-cool temperature of the FAC auditorium, but some classmates were not convinced.

“She probably wore that sweatshirt because she’s got no rack,” explained Sebbert, one of Easton’s classmates. “Either that or she wants to let people know that Stanford exists. Whatever it is, she needs to stop asking so many goddamn questions during class.”

Government 312K Professor Gary Onstead, who earned both his BS and PhD from Stanford, described Easton as an “over-achieving brown-noser” when asked about her performance in class.

“I really have no idea if she could have gone to Stanford. She can go to hell, though, because she seriously asks way too many goddamn questions during class,” said Onstead.

Easton’s roommate, undeclared business major Anna Barkley, claims that Easton has “vomited Stanford paraphernalia all over the walls” of their shared room.

“Seriously, I don’t care if she could have gone to Stanford or not — she goes to UT, and she should be proud of that,” Barkley declared. “She’s always either complaining about UT’s campus compared to Stanford’s or threatening to transfer. The truth is, she didn’t even apply there — her guidance counselor just told her that she had a shot at getting in.”

A quick survey of the wall above Easton’s bed revealed a Stanford pendant, a Stanford scarf, a picture of Easton outside Standford’s football stadium, a framed National Merit Commended Scholar plaque, and a signed promotional poster for the television show Joey. Easton could not say whether Matt LeBlanc had any connection to Stanford University.

Easton cited financial limitations as the main impediments she faced in choosing between applying to Stanford or UT, but she also says her family played a large role in her decision.

“UT is just so much cheaper than Stanford, so it didn’t even feel like a decision. I almost feel sorry for the people going to Stanford,” said Easton. “Although I was really, really close to being one of them.”

Easton continued: “Besides, I couldn’t stand to be that far away from my family. My dog Ginger is 11 years old, and I’d be heartbroken if I couldn’t see her before she died.”

A self-proclaimed “first-year sophomore,” Easton claims that her Plan II designation will aid her acceptance to law school in the same way that a degree from Stanford would have.

“At Stanford, I would have been just another face in the crowd, but here I’m already a sophomore in my first year!” said Easton. “UT accepted a lot of AP credit that Stanford wouldn’t — I checked. That’s how close to going there I was.”

“Besides, all that matters is what law school you go to,” Easton compelled. “That’s why I’ve got a Yale sweatshirt saved for when I’m an upperclassman.”

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