March 2006 (v8 i5)
Fondling Bats Since 1997
 Jump to Issue  

Buy Merchandise

AIM Buddy Icons

Desktop Backgrounds


I can't get enough Owen Wilson
by Roger Roekel, Amateur Movie Critic

Iíve seen a lot of movies, so I know what works and what doesnít. I dissect even the most complex plots down to their basic elements. And if thereís one thing Iíve noticed, the line between a huge blockbuster and a Gigli-style flop hinges on one variable: Owen Wilson.

Iíve done the research, people. Think of every good movie ever made — each one has Owen Wilson in it. Hollywood, if you want your movie to succeed, you need Olí Crooked Nose in no less than a supporting role or extended cameo.

Some will say that this kind of formulaic thinking is force-feeding America the same recycled humor. They could not be more wrong. Not only am I not tired of Owen, I wouldnít mind seeing more of his brother Luke, preferably in the same flicks. But I suppose that would be too much to ask. Such a film would have so much laughter and shenanigans on the actual set that I canít imagine production ever wrapping.

Now, Iím not just another diehard fan. (Even though I am.) I accept that other talented actors exist. For instance, Iíd LOVE to see more Ben Stiller or Vince Vaughn movies. Their talent is almost on par with the brothers Wilson. They should be cast in some of the supporting roles, to form a team of hilarity that would be unstoppable. I mean, Owen Wilson canít play EVERY role in a movie.

Oh my God, Will Ferrell! I completely forgot about him. Itís been like two months since his last movie. Iíve been following him since his SNL days, and I have to say, he is SO close to Owen as far as humor goes. I honestly think that maybe he could carry a movie on his own. Hollywood should really take notice of this formidable newcomer.

Unfortunately, while Ben, Vince, and my man Will continue to light up the big screen, the studios have made little effort to cast Owen in more leading roles. Heck, he only has three movies scheduled for release in 2006. Owen will never be able to gain a following with so few screen appearances. So if anyone out in Hollywood is listening, consider this my formal appeal. Iím begging you, for the love of God, give me more Owen Wilson!
ę Back to the March 2006 issue
©1997-2006 Texas Travesty | Copyright & Legalese | Issue Credits | Texas Travesty Archives Home