November 2005 (v8 i3)
Setting Inflated Retail Prices Since 1997
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Italian food lover graduates with mediocre GPA
by Stan "The Boy" Babbitt, Publicity Director

Wow! My first and last piece ever printed in the Travesty. How exciting! As I thought about what to write, I considered the usual goodbye columns that soon-to-be graduates often scribe. I was going to give some advice to my peers in hopes of possibly helping them in their own journeys through college, but fuck that! You need to learn that shit on your own. It's called living — try it sometime. Of course, I could always thank those people most important to me. But if you don't know who you are, you were probably just impeding my quest for greatness, and I hope you never achieve more than me. Finally, I contemplated writing about my future plans, but I don't want anybody stealing them. After all, I'm entering the real world now. It's dog-eat-dog out there, and I ain't no Chihuahua. Ruff! So you're on your own, and on top of that, you just wasted precious moments of your life reading my boring-ass column. Later, homies — I'm outta here.

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