Pain the bass
Hey, that bass I can feel through the wall we share is effin sweet. It was pretty badass when you played "Toxic" all last weekend. Really, it was stellar. Oh yeah, the caked vomit you left down the hall Saturday night is an especially nice touch. You want to come over sometime and chill? Just kidding asshole, I hate you. The apartment next door Hates your guts
Lost in translation
Can you put Nads on your face? Is it true that Nads are made of all-natural ingredients, like teabags are? Is it safe to have Nads this close to my genitals? Do I have to rub Nads between my palms to warm them up before use? My child accidentally swallowed my Nads. What should I do? Australian bikini wax From down under
Rather gullible
Whoa! Did you know I may have won $10 million? It says so right on the envelope — that's all the proof I need. Dan Rather Jumping to conclusions
Dirty talk
Why don't you ever take me out? I don't stink, do I? I know I can be hard to handle — that's why I love it when you tie me up. I'm dripping with anticipation! Your trash Ready to go
Bragging and loving it
Hey. How's Texas? I heard it was 110 today with the heat index. I bet that sucked. At Christmas, if I don't spend all my money on alcohol (which I will) (because I can), I'll buy you a keychain in Paris. Your friend Studying abroad
Hairy situation
Sick. Your pubes are all over my face. Your bar of soap Rubbed the wrong way
4 U
I C U R A K 9. I M A K 9 2. R U O K? U 8 A B? G, Y J Z Letters for the editor
All cracked up
Stop pulling your shirt down over your jeans. I'll see your ass crack no matter what — it's a universal constant. The guy sitting behind you in class Sick of watching you fidget
