February 2004 (v6 i4)
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Super Tuesday 'not that great'
by Kathryn Edwards, Staff Writer

WASHINGTON — A recent Gallup Poll found that most voters feel that Super Tuesday, despite its name, "feels just like any other Tuesday." The nationwide poll found that 45% of people surveyed think the title is "highly misleading," while 27% think it is "just pointless." This is the first such poll conducted regarding Super Tuesday, the name of the first Tuesday of March preceding a presidential election in which eleven states hold primaries.

Arthur Harris, a native Virginian who participated in the poll, commented, "I don't see what makes that Tuesday so damn great. It was just like any other lame Tuesday, not as bad as Monday, but certainly not as cool as Wednesday or Thursday."

In an effort to increase voter awareness, The Hallmark Corporation announced plans to create a holiday centered on "this untapped marketing goldmine." Calvin McKeller, a spokesman for the company, explains.

"People don't realize that this Tuesday is special because there isn't any pizzazz to it — all you do is vote. But if it was a holiday, people would sit up and take notice. We're just upset that we never thought about this before — a perfect spring holiday centered on American ideals and beliefs. This will make voting both fun and profitable. This could be the next Valentine's Day. After all, we did invent that."

McKeller continued to explain that the company is also brainstorming ideas for other days of the week. A senior aid in the project development department leaked a few possibilities, which include "Crazy Fun Sunday," "Awesome Saturday," and "Marginally Above-Average Thursday."

Those involved with politics, however, feel that this move by Hallmark "cheapens" a very relevant and substantive day in politics. Jeff Cardin, spokesman for the Democratic National Party, expressed his anger about this marketing ploy.

"People who want to devalue democracy by making it a gimmick don't understand the true nature of an election. It's not about selling something or someone, it's about exercising your rights." Cardin continued by expressing his confusion about Super Tuesday's lack of popularity.

"We don't understand, this is one of the most exciting days in politics," he explained. "It shows which candidate eleven states feel should get the nomination, and that candidate might end up being the party's nominee in September, which means that in nine months, the man who gets the majority of the votes in some of these states could be the president!" Cardin paused for breath before adding, "It's very exciting stuff."
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