February 2004 (v6 i4)
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Please donít pack up early
by Dr. Bateman, Professor

For the last time, I havenít written up the exams yet, so I donít know how many questions will be on it. I donít write my exams until 10 minutes before class on the day of the test. And if you want me to re-grade yours, I sure hope you filled in your birthday on that Scantron or itís an automatic zero.

If you have any concerns about the exam, come see me during my office hours. I should be able to reassure you that youíre wrong or convince you that Iím not going to change the grade.

By the way, it seems like you fall asleep during my lectures a lot, except when I utter the words, ďthis will probably be on the test.Ē Then, I have to repeat myself several times while you all scramble to write everything down because I mentioned the magic word (test).

All right, I guess I can give you a few hints about the exam. My tests arenít just regurgitating information youíve memorized, you actually have to apply what youíve learned. I know every other professor has claimed that, but Iím serious. Just be sure youíve memorized all the captions in our book if you want to do well.

Speaking of the textbook, why is it that you college students NEVER read what I tell you to read for class? Itís so annoying to have to stand in front of the class and ask questions about ďlast nightísĒ reading, and only that one kid who sits in front raises his hand. Is he the only one who reads? I guess I canít complain too much ó I havenít read any of the assignments either.

Iím going to be honest with you students: Iím only teaching because I was too afraid of the real world to attempt to get a corporate job. I try to get out of work whenever possible. Why do you think Iím always missing class for ďconferences,Ē or bringing in guest lecturers?

Wait, why the hell are you packing up already? Thatís right, I cursed, just like a regular person. I have a life outside of teaching you three hours a week. It consists mainly of my second job as a professor at ACC, where I teach the exact same material for three hours each week. With my two salaries combined, Iím making about $1,600 an hour. I love my job.
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