February 2004 (v6 i4)
Squat thrusting since 1997
 Jump to Issue  

Buy Merchandise

AIM Buddy Icons

Desktop Backgrounds


Power struggle at local 7-11
by Kathryn Edwards, Staff Writer

AUSTIN — Dwayne McAllister, assistant night manager of a 7-11 convenience store, was arrested last night and charged with lewd behavior, public intoxication, and theft. Police were called to the scene by part-time employee Matt Coleman.

"Dwayne totally lost it after his girlfriend, Sandy, dumped him," explained Coleman. "I walked up to the store and saw him, drunk off his ass, sitting half-naked on the curb, crying like a baby. He was acting all crazy, so I called the cops."

McAllister's absence from the managerial staff has created a power vacuum among the three part-time employees whom he supervised. Store manager Kirk Sampson, a five-time Manager of the Month Gold Star winner, explained the benefits of the job.

"It's a pretty sweet gig. You get three free slushies a week, a dollar more per hour, and the parking spot farthest away from the dumpster. The real attraction is the 401K."

Coleman, who has already watched the mandatory video, "Slurpees, Big Bites, and You: Effectively Managing a 7-11 Franchise," feels that he is a likely replacement.

"I was the one who found him, right? It should go to me just because I was responsible enough to call the cops. And besides, experience in management would look good on my resume when I finish Business school at ACC."

Other employees, however, do not feel that Coleman is the right man for the job. Jerry Mendoza, a two year veteran of 7-11's nighttime staff, feels that Coleman is "cocky" and "power hungry."

"Matt's a hard worker," admitted Mendoza. "He usually shows up on time for his shift and keeps his smoke breaks under ten minutes, which distinguishes him as a stellar employee. But he lacks the experience that this job demands. Sampson knows what kind of time I've invested in this place."

Frank Keys, a 37-year-old ex-convict, labels both Coleman and Mendoza as "lazy bastards" who don't deserve the perks of being assistant night manager.

"It's not about the slushies, because we all steal those anyway -- it's about the title. Those kids have no sense of discipline," says Keys, "They don't replace the sandwiches after four days like you're supposed to, and they only know ten ways - twenty tops - to make coffee. I even heard Coleman say that he tricked a customer once and made him pay for chili and cheese."

After sobering up in the Travis County Jail, McAllister released a statement that read, "I apologize for my unappropriate [sic] behavior, and I'm sure my replacement me will do the job good. And Sandy, please--let's talk about this."
Back to the February 2004 issue
©1997-2006 Texas Travesty | Copyright & Legalese | Issue Credits | Texas Travesty Archives Home