March 2003 (v5 i5)
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Appendix rights group installs graphic billboard display
by George Morris, Contributing Writer


[illustration: Aaron Stanush]
AUSTIN, TX — Yesterday, a student-affiliated group called Jubilee For Appendi put up 60-foot graphic billboards on the East Mall, generating widespread controversy. The color-enhanced photos of recently removed appendixes and appendices (the two grammatically correct plurals of the word) were seen by some as inappropriate for the university setting, while others objected to the obstruction of Speedway with electric razor-wire and roving packs of attack dogs in order to "protect the free speech of Jubilee For Appendi." Disbelief was the reaction of many faculty members and students, who had to step around the raw appendixes the group had placed on the sidewalk to draw further attention. Area squirrels and pigeons had a more positive reaction.

JFA is not new to the campus-this is their third annual visit at the behest of local students. The student they refer to for their "veil of legitimacy" this year, Jeremiah Almer, explained how he contacted the multinational, for-profit organization. "Oh, you mean that thing with Mary? I ran into her in January and we hit if off right away. I spent the night at her pad, then she slept over with me, and before I knew it, she asked if she could leave some things at my place. That's when I found out about her SUV-sized photos of diseased organs."

JFA's financial reports link the group, with its goal of eradicating vermiform appendix loss by ignoring the onset of appendicitis, to the American Funeral Home League and the University's own medical insurance program. When asked for a comment, the AFHL said enigmatically: "We believe in investing in the future." University officials said something about solving the overcrowding situation, before pulling a small silver flask from their pockets and signing a memo authorizing the use of deadly force against students who park without a permit.
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