September 2002 (v5 i1)
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How to use a urinal Super Fun Facts!
  • Cutting the brake lines on daddy's truck will turn it into a magical flying machine!
  • There is candy inside every electrical socket, but they're all locked, so you'll have to use a key to get inside!
  • The oven is a fun place to hide! Just press the magic "Broil" button and no one will ever find you!
  • Mommy looks pretty when she's angry, doesn't she? If you want to make her look pretty, tell her you saw daddy kissing another woman in the bathing suit area!
  • Here's a fun game! Make doggie a parachute out of a shoebox. Toss him from your tree house and watch him FLY INTO ACTION!
Kid's Korner asks...
Why are we going to war?
Look, it's daddy filling up his SUV with precious gasoline! Yippee-hooray! Gasoline is like food for cars. Just like you need food, cars need gasoline. Daddy's SUV needs lots of gasoline to make it go VROOOM! Yay!
Uh oh! Itís evil King Saddam of the land of Iraq! Oil comes from Iraq, which makes the gasoline that makes daddyís SUV go VROOOM! Saddam wants to keep all the oil for himself and not give any to Americans who deserve it more than him! Boooo!
Yay! Itís our hero President George W. Bush! Heís come to save our precious oil. He will use magic missiles and technology that far surpasses anything that evil King Saddam is capable of! He will give daddy back his gasoline so that his car can go VROOOM!

But how does the story end, you ask? Thatís a very good question! Youíre a very bright child! The answer is actually kind of complicated. You see, our hero President George is fighting his daddyís war. Just like you have a daddy, President George has one too! His daddy was also president once! He also fought evil King Saddam over ten years ago. Now itís President Georgeís turn to go to war in light of increased patriotic fervor in order to boost public approval ratings during a mid-term election! So, basically... Itís really important to invade Iraq because...because... YIPPEE-HOORAY!
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