• People who are better than you will be playing Free Cell and trading stock tips with Belorussian fishermen while taking notes on their laptops during class, pausing only to snicker at your primitive pen and paper.
• Students walking by the South Mall will stop and exclaim, "Holy shit, is that grass?"
• Students Who Refer to Dave Matthews as "Dave" will be in various places in Jester Center, wearing hemp shell necklaces, Doc Marten sandals and continuing to suck.
• Girls who drive Eclipses are easy, and-for the most part-disease-free.
• Lust, though to a radiant angel link'd, will sate itself in a celestial bed and prey on garbage.
• Los Comedic Geniuses will make hilarious, crowd-pleasing references to "cerveza" and "mota" in first-year Spanish classes.
• Morons will continue to wear beanies despite the increasingly warm weather.
• The Association of White Male Students Ages 18 to 24 will meet everywhere on campus at all times.
• Members of Ravers on Campus will eat beans and roll mad face all day on the South Mall.
• The Society of Oblivious Pedestrians will continue to walk on the left side of the sidewalk and will inevitably disrupt the flow of foot traffic.
• Clueless bitches in cheerleading shorts will be answering their cell phones and carrying on conversations in the back of your massive survey class, rudely disrupting your afternoon nap.
• Peer Advisors will say things like, "Oh jeez," "Oh, really?" and "Damn, I'm sorry."
• Students on campus who listen to rap music will never shoot a 'gat,' jock a 'ho, or call a one-eight-seven on a motherfuckin' cop.
• Gnomes in the PCL have either played with their own balls or someone else's, and they haven't washed their hands. Now they're touching the books you're about to check out.
• People with giant lift kits on their Jeep Grand Cherokees will continue to look really stupid any time they drive their cars anywhere.
• Frantic Seniors will be coupling wildly with their respective senors or senoritas late at night in various UT buildings so that they don't graduate without a stereotypical "wild college days" sex experience.
• Brothers Under Christ and various race-based student groups will be standing around harassing people on campus, trying to convince passersby that parties advertised on the West Mall are cool.
