• UT Activists For the Fuck of It will be holding a protest to moisturize the East African elephants whenever and wherever The Man doesn't want them to.
• Attention Ladies! Guys who wear sleeveless sweater vests without undershirts will not be taking 'no' for an answer at keg parties off of Riverside.
• You are something special!
• Guys in crappy local bands will be littering campus with flyers under the assumption that people love paying money to see bands they've never heard of perform Phish covers in a cheesy bar.
• Members of SG campaign parties will find themselves with absolutely nothing to do now that they no longer get to be everywhere you go, constantly annoying you.
• Someone, somewhere on campus, will inevitably make a racist comment or do something deemed to be racist to contribute to UT's dwindling reputation as a diverse university.
• The Be Loud, Stay Late, Wear Orange Club will continue to write letters to the government in hope of changing "Orange Alert" to "Burnt Orange Alert."
• Campus Drunks will walk around the Six Pack wondering where all the booze is.
• Dogs Owned by Drag Rats will stare blankly at the sky, wishing they had some Kibbles 'n Bits.
• Girls Wearing Thongs at Parties will realize their night's goal as the opening strains of Sisqo's "The Thong Song" echo loudly in their empty skulls.
• Sociology majors will graduate forty minutes after enrolling in UT, allowing them to more quickly enter the jobless market.
• The League of SG Losers will mope around, muttering, "Yeah, fine. I'm glad we didn't win. I'm glad."
• Crazed homicidal maniacs will refuse to dismount their bicycles on Speedway, resulting in the end of the entire fucking world.
