October 2006 (v9 i2)
Wetting Our Pants Since 1997
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I have to go home this weekend, or my parents wonít stop calling
by Friendless Johnson, Without Friends

I have to go home this weekend. My parents wonít stop complaining about how much they miss me, even though I have been back every weekend since the semester began. They just canít let me go, which is totally annoying, but what can I do? They pay the tuition, you know? Hold on one second, I need to call my mother and let her know I just got out of my 3 oíclock.

Really though, I do just need a night in my bed. The dorms are always so noisy with stupid people out in the hallways laughing and carrying on, especially when I am trying to get a little extra studying done on Friday nights or listen to my Coltrane 8-tracks.

I mean, I donít really care about UT football anyways. My seating group didnít really work out when I made it and e-mailed my friends.They said they didnít get the password or something, and besides, itís homecoming weekend back in Klein, and I really want to show up at the game! We are playing the Wildcats! I think they might even find a way for me to be involved in the crown passing ceremony since I was runner-up homecoming Queen my senior year. But it depends if that bitch Cindy Shand will let me or not since she won last year. I hear she is getting totally trashed at SMU frat parties all the time anyways, so she is probably in no condition.

I was planning on taking off Thursday night so I can get back up to high school and visit some teachers. I really want to go see Ms. Fright. She was totally my girl senior year! Talk about the savior of my GPA, she gave me SO much guy advice and ALWAYS gave me bathroom passes. Plus we just watched movies the whole year in her class! There is no question who her favorite student of all time is ó ME! She even took me to lunch one day in her í92 rag-top íStang!

I totally miss my boyfriend Shaney. I heard that he is soloing on the trumpet when the band marches on Friday night, and I really want to see him. The distance has been so hard, but I have really resisted meeting other guys to keep from cheating on him. He gets so jealous that he doesnít even pick up his cell-phone all week ó so then I have to go home on the weekends and make it up to him!

I really miss home cooking, too. All these weird local restaurants with organic food and culturally diverse offerings really make me miss the down home dishes of Chiliís and Long John Silvers.

Plus, I think my annoying little brother is getting his Condor Scout award this Saturday night. I am SO pissed about that because I think the Union is playing The Nightmare Before Christmas at 10. I was totally going to go with some other people I overheard talking about it at Wendyís the other afternoon.

Unfortunately, I wonít be getting back until late Sunday evening.
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