 My Bush jokes are killing by Barry Kirk, Local Comedian
I don’t know if you guys watch the news.
You ma’am? You watch the news?
But wow, this situation in Iraq is seriously out of hand. It’s true, I may use a lot of political humor, but that’s only because my George Bush jokes are slaughtering people on a nightly basis, almost like Bush himself. Am I right?
Is this thing on? Oh c’mon people, you gotta pull your head out. I do this for a living, you know. Support local comedy. You gotta support local comedy. Because, you know, look at us, we’re not exactly that upper one-percent. I’m wearing the same clothes that didn’t get me laid last night, you know what I’m saying? Give us comics a break, okay? Because you know Bush won’t. BAM!
That’s a tax joke, don’t worry about it. OK, I kid a lot. Like I said, it’s my job. But let me get serious for a minute. A lot of times after my shows, people ask why I’m so hard on the president. And I correct them saying, “Ma’am, you’re wrong, I do not have a single joke about the president in my act, because how can you when George W. isn’t even our president. We didn’t elect him TWICE!”
Woo, Ouch! Tough crowd, huh? Is Dick Cheney in the back over there? Excuse me, miss, right here in the front, you’re looking very nice. What do you do? You’re a teacher? Wow, that’s noble. I couldn’t do that. Wanna know why? Because Bush is an idiot!!! And somebody needs to make fun of him.
But seriously gang, let’s talk about education for a minute. They were talking about the No Child Left Behind Act on the news last night, and I thought, “No child left behind, more like no wealthy oil tycoon left behind!”
That got a couple of laughs! Almost the same amount of laughs that George W. Bush got when he claimed we were winning the war in Iraq! WHOA!
Uh-oh, let’s hope Donald Rumsfeld isn’t the bartender tonight! Please don’t bug my phones Mr. Rumsfeld! The only thing you’ll hear is my mother giving me guff about still being single!
Oh man, oh man. What else? OK, so maybe I should lay off the heavy satire, because really Bush isn’t that bad. Perfect story: So I was with this woman the other night. Things were going well, I’d say. About to show her my ‘Shock and Awe,’ if you will.
So, we’re going at it, and she doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself, and I’m like, “What’s wrong?” And she goes, “I think I’m on my period.”
EWWW. Oh my God, I know!
But I finished, and it just goes to show that Bush and I aren’t so different. Because even when things are a bloody mess, I still don’t pull out. Thank you, that’s my time.
I’ve got to go home and search for those WMDs. You have been a great crowd. Thank you. Good night. |
