Oh to explore the dimly lit caverns of your coffin! Nay, nay sunlight, thou art not a welcome visitor here. Twirl thy cape once more, sweet cherub of darkness! How thy blood red lips and pasty white skin haunt me, only my Hot Topic diary shall ever know. Does not thine black heart beat for me? Nibble gently on my neck once more, keeper of my loins, for my lips will echo Count Crotch-ula until we meet again.
Hobbies: prancing, sucking things dry, swinging, hanging around the Congress Avenue Bridge
Turn-ons: Bloody Marys, Mazda Miatas, dental hygiene, transfusions, Dr. McDreamy, Alaska in winter, pleats, widow’s peaks, mahogany with plush satin interior,s type O-negative, David Boreanaz, hemophilia, German expressionism, wood, Social Security
Turn-offs: women, tans, turtlenecks, Wesley Snipes, silver tongue rings, zippers, vanity mirrors, Republicans, Sarah Michelle Gellar, anemia, goiters, mosquitoes, leeches, wooden stakes, solar flares
Motto: “Vat’s vone, vone fantastique pair of Christian Dior sunglasses!”