February 2006 (v8 i4)
Hiding in the bushes since 1997!
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Hey all you inquiring minds! If you think UT is big enough to make you fairly anonymous to the public consciousness, you’re very wrong, my friend! Just like how the Eyes of Texas are upon you, so are mine — and I’ve got my sights set on finding all the gossip juicier than a grilled stuffed burrito oozing with scandal — oops, I mean sour cream! Gabriel’s horn may not have gotten blown this past month, but somebody sure did! To find out the latest burnt-orange dirt, read on...

Suzy Leighberger’s wandering eyes earned her an F on her PSY 301 test last Tuesday. She must have picked up cheating tips from her boyfriend Miles Thompson, who was caught behind the art building on Monday tutoring Maggie McCoyles in French — French kissing, that is!

Speaking of giving things up, later that week Maggie was spotted taking the maximum three allotted condoms from the SSB. And after class that day, Maggie was seen outside the UGL hugging Damian Short. Looks like Maggie is hoping to discover why ex-girlfriends refer to him as Damian Long!

Did someone say “joysticks”? Damian and fellow I Phelta Thi fraternity brother Mark Prystonwick were seen sneaking into Jester’s LAN cave last Saturday night to play in the Electronic Masters Club’s Halo II tournament. Neither emerged a winner, though, after losing to reigning champion Peter Samsonton. Sources reported that Peter ran from the LAN cave before the trophy presentation with a mysterious brown spot on the back of his pants. While the cause of the stain cannot be confirmed, Peter and friend Kathy Sartma were spied walking out of Jester City Limits hours before the tournament.

Kathy unloaded a statement later that day at the Austin Police Station alongside I Eta Pi big sister Jennifer O’Malleysworth. Kathy was reporting the burglary of her bike; Jennifer, who is IEP’s Chairperson of Socials and Mixers, was overheard confessing to another robbery — that of the virginity of Liberal Arts undeclared senior Eric Stewart-Kingsley.

Got gossip? gossip@texastravesty.com
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