April/May 2005 (v7 i6)
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Married student flaunts ring, superiority
Newlyweds pretend to enjoy squandered youth
by Sara Kanewske, Staff Writer

I want to wear your skin as my jacket.
CAMPUS — Students Amy Miller-Hinkley and Tom Hinkley are determined to make their marriage work despite the rising divorce rates among young couples.

While many students view college as an opportunity to explore sexual options and experiment with one-night stands, multiple partners and various remedies for sexually transmitted infections, the Hinkleys disagree.

"We still go out and have fun," explained Amy. "We just always do it together now."

"Sometimes my friends give me crap about getting married so young," said husband Tom. "They say that I could 'do better' than Amy. But I just laugh, 'cause I know I'm guaranteed sex for life."

He continued: "And, come on — it's not like Amy's fat or anything."

The couple's parents were "surprised" by the announcement of their engagement in the fall of their freshman year.

"We didn't know what to say at first," explained Myrtle Hinkley, Tom's mother. "We've always liked Amy, but I just wondered if there would be another surprise nine months from now, if you know what I mean."

Getting married while in college was a huge decision for the Hinkleys. According to Matt Rosen, a friend of Hinkleys, the marriage made Tom "more whipped than he already was."

"But the wedding rocked!" he added. "They had three kegs, and Tom did a 45-second keg stand! That's the best he's ever done."

Besides improving Tom's keg-stand stamina, the marriage has also been beneficial for Amy. She states that the marriage has given her "more confidence" and has improved her grades.

"Before Tom and I got married," she explained, "I would wake up and spend an hour putting on makeup and doing my hair before I left for class. But now that it's official, I can use the extra time for studying."

Amy's sorority sister Beth Knapp expressed her feelings about Amy's marriage.

"Amy and Tom have the perfect life!" said Knapp. "It's so cool how they love each other so much. They do everything together!"

Knapp hesitated before continuing: "But it is sort of weird how he's her only date to crush parties. And it sucks when we try to have girls' night at her place 'cause we can't really play Never-Have-I-Ever. Tom's always hanging around in his underwear. It's kinda gross."

Tom's friends are experiencing similar troubles.

"Back in high school, we would always talk about the girls we wanted to bang," said Brad Taylor, Tom's high-school football teammate. "But now that he's married, that's all changed. He wouldn't even let us hire a stripper for his bachelor party. He said it'd be cheating!"

Taylor added: "Tom's marriage has been a real mood killer whenever one of us wants to hit a strip club or watch a movie that doesn't star Hugh Grant."

Despite their friends' complaints, the Hinkleys fondly remember their engagement after dating for two years in high school.

"My roommate at Kinsolving hated me because I was always sexiling her whenever I snuck Tom in," recalled Amy. "But I think she was just worried that no one would ever want to marry her. She doesn't even have a boyfriend."

The couple remains confident that their marriage will survive.

"It feels so wonderful to be loved," explained Amy. "Almost as wonderful as the feeling of the weight of a Tiffany-quality, one-carat diamond ring on your finger."
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