Just smile and do what I sayFive minutes, Condi. Let's get some things straight before we go out there, Junior.
If they ask about the mean-spirited nature of this presidential election, your response is: "I've got a country to run. I have bigger concerns than the election, like freedom."
They'll follow up with a question about our falling approval rating. You'll reply: "The American voters will recognize the strength of the economy and make the right decision."
When they ask how we expect to strengthen the economy in the next two weeks, you say: "I have full confidence in the American economy. Consumer spending will pick up due to my tax cuts, and in return, business will create new jobs." Sound good? Alright.
Next, they'll bring up the lack of consumer trust for large corporations and how our administration is seen in close association with crooked business. You follow? Okay. Your answer: "This administration has done everything in its power to make sure that corporations that break the law do not get preferential treatment."
One of those major-league assholes will then ask about Halliburton. "Rebuilding Iraq requires more support from the United Nations and our NATO allies" is the response you will give. That should fuck with their heads.
They'll ask about the progress in Iraq; your answer is: "Saddam's reign of tyranny and genocide is over; the people of Iraq are safe." If they counter with questions about our endorsement of Muslim leaders who spew anti-American rhetoric, turn the conversation towards terrorism: "Deposing a murderous dictator, we have struck a blow to those who fund and house terrorists."
Easy enough? Here, you have something on your cheek. No, no, hold on. I've got it. Don't fuss. There. Finally, we'll steer the terrorism thread into how we're cancelling the election due to the pervading possibility of a new attack. I'm just kidding, George. They're not ready for that yet.
If they continue to ask you about Iraq, just bring up John Kerry's lack of support for our brave troops abroad. That should kill any hope they have of hearing anything new from us today. Remember, if you don't remember one of your answers, just shoot the camera a trademark smirk, and I'll come in on your earpiece. Nice and comfortable, just like always.
Alright, fix your tie and stand up straight. Go get em, tiger!