October 2004 (v7 i2)
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That’ll be me someday
by Brett Haley, SG President

Seeing all this furious campaigning for U.S. president reminds me of my own days on the West Mall, campaigning for a different kind of presidency. The debates, the press coverage, the crazy third-party candidates: I've been through it all, and now I get to see how the pros do it.

Ah yes, kissing a baby. I did that one. And I got slapped in the face. But campaigning for president is a learning experience, and I think being president of SG is the perfect warm-up for the Oval Office. Surely, if I can run one of the largest universities in the nation, I can run the country. I just need a few more years until I'm old enough. Look for me in 2024!

In the mean time, I'm going to hone my campaign skills. My party's name will be "Focus." It worked well once, and I know it will work again. I've already mapped out the key kiosks all over the United States. I have three poster designs: they'll say "Focus on Freedom," "Focus on Change," and "Focus on Brett." The last poster will have a big picture of me on it, probably with one of my thumbs up.

This is really coming together. I've also selected the T-shirt manufacturer I'm going to use to make enough T-shirts to give out to every registered voter. They're going say "Focus on Focus!" People will totally get it.

I have a whole plan for tabling on the National Mall. I am going to get a group of my friends to help me hand out all sorts of fun, free stuff. We're going to have buttons that people can put on their backpacks, bookmarks, and even stickers ? the kind that you print out from your computer on a page of labels ? that say "Focus on This" with a picture of a target. We won't be handing out condoms, though. That's just ridiculous.

Also, on the day of the election, I'll be standing around the voting booths, trying to get people to come in and vote. Sure, I'll stay the regulation twenty feet away, but I have a feeling that free candy will persuade my fellow Americans to see things my way.

It shouldn't be that hard to get involved and make connections in Washington. All you have to do is move there, go to a few meetings, join a few committees and get a ticket established. I can't imagine that it would be any harder to organize a ticket in a real election than it was for the SG election. I mean, you only have to find one other person. So, look for me to be the first U.S. president to be a graduate of the University of Texas. Because to me, that is as much of an accomplishment as being president in the first place.
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