October 2004 (v7 i2)
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New Books by
Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen
You won't believe what America's favorite twins do for kicks! MK is adopted by a totally sweet widower who teaches her the importance of family values and a free market economy. Meanwhile, Ashley lives in a totally poshed-out NY flat with her artsy, divorced mom who stresses the benefits of government intervention and being nice to poor people. After fate totally brings them back together at a prep-school academic decathlon, the dynamic duo combines forces to combat part-woman, part-hydra Ann Coulter. There's no time for manicures when the napalm-spewing Republican viper-beast tries to disenfranchise the twins with her flaming trident. After escaping Ann's talons by offering Al Franken as a sacrifice, the twins must face off against the ultimate villain: James Carville. Will MK and Ash be able to evade the telepathic grip of the Ragin' Cajun's bulbous mother-brain? Will they survive the heartbreak of learning that their super-cute crushes don't wash their hair and vote for Nader?
Mary Kate & Ashley
Finger Deep Throat


Mary Kate and Ashley are back and doing what they do best: fingering a mysterious stranger! The persistent meddling of these hardcore sleuths makes dream-boat John Dean tug at his collar and Dirty Dick roll over in his grave. High-level cover-ups, Washington conspiracies, deep throat — these girls do it all and more!
Mary Kate & Ashley
Tag-Team Filibuster


The girls normally steer clear of all that political stuff, but when the Senate proposes an appropriations bill that includes an increase in double-dividend taxes, they take Washington by storm! Will their 48-hour-plus filibuster stop that way-uncool bill from passing? Read and find out if the twins have the breath to do it!
Mary Kate & Ashley
...And the Vaguely Threatening Man of Middle-Eastern Descent


While at their favorite summer camp, the girls find out just how un-fun the dark can be when their bonfire circle is invaded by a "polite" and "friendly" Middle-Eastern counselor. Read along in horror as he introduces himself, pulls out his guitar and — *shudder* — sings them a song about understanding.
Mary Kate & Ashley
Frag the Sarge


War is not fun for Mary Kate & Ashley — dirty trenches, baggy clothes and no loofahs! As their hunky Sergeant leads them deeper into hell, the girls have a super neat decision to make. Should the twins follow Sarge into enemy tunnels and certain death or brutally murder him in his sleep? It's survival of the funnest!
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