UN Elections Inspector
Svagen hagen austchreicken fluger! So flutters your sing-song native tongue in my captive ears, Oh Sentinel of the Voting Booth. Be we hardened straight-tickets or open-minded two-party voters, you make us want to fill our voracious ballot boxes. Wrap me in your red tape and whisk me to the land of pristine slopes and socialized healthcare. They may steal the election, but you've stolen my heart!
Hobbies: counting, scowling at wayward eyes, peering over people's shoulders, making reports
Turn-ons: butterfly ballots, guys named Chad, economic "spanktions," 67% of precincts reporting, demographic voting blocks
Turn-offs: Katherine Harris, odd years, recounts, first-time voters
Motto: "Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and vote like no one's counting."