October 2004 (v7 i2)
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Voters: Bush too adorable not to be re-elected
President's 'dreaminess' to influence election, middle-aged housewives
by Elizabeth Barksdale, Associate Editor

A baby is given a vitamin K shot immediately
after birth in order to stimulate blood clotting.
These and other interesting facts can be
researched at your local publically.
CANTOR, NEBRASKA — The Ladies' Political Chit-Chat Squad assembled on Oct. 15th to finalize their endorsement­ for the presidential election.

"Really, the choice was obvious," said spokeswoman Carol Fitzwater. "We're all for Bush. We agree with most of his domestic policies — mainly because he's just so dreamy!"

Nancy Dalrumple, secretary of the Ladies' Circle, wholeheartedly agreed with the decision.

"Oh, I hope he declares war on some other awful, bad country," she said. "He looks absolutely adorable in those camouflage outfits."

"And when he gets that 'take-charge' look on his face," interrupted Maria Cates. "My gracious! He looks so handsome that I almost forget I'm post-menopausal."

Cates proudly explained that she decorates her sitting room with pictures of the president, as well as with a needlepoint reading "I wish Dubya were MY hub-ya!" alongside photos of her grandchildren.

"Our country is important to us, so sometimes we talk about political things while we have our Mary Kay and Tupperware parties. A few times we've even brought up those crazy third-party people, but most of their candidates are so strange and unattractive," added Celia Hodge.

"I don't know how they expect to compete with Dubya's dreamy eyes and cute little heinie, not to mention his sexy speaking style. I mean, I always try to pay close attention during his State of the Union addresses because I want to be a good citizen. But the way he wrinkles his forehead up so sincerely makes me want to be more of a bad little citizen sometimes, if you catch my drift," said Hodge with a titter.

"Oh yes, he looked scrumptious at the last debate, didn't he?" added Dalrumple. "My daughter told me there was some rumor about Dubbers using an earpiece at one debate. What nonsense! I'm sure he had nothing in his ear, but I'd sure love to whisper a few things in there!"

Similar opinions of the president are common among many middle-aged housewives nationwide, say top political analysts.

"Stay-at-home moms and Junior Leaguers from 45 to 65 form a very solid constituency for President Bush," said veteran analyst Bob Hedermeyer. "It's rather amazing, actually. Ronald Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush and Bill Clinton were all considered pin-up boys in their day by a small portion of the voting public, but for these ladies, George W. definitely packs more heartthrob power than any president since John F. Kennedy."

"What a cutie pie!" gushed Mary Silvermore, 52, of Madison, Wisconsin. "He's even better looking than Mel Gibson. I love those pictures of him hunting with his dad — he looks so manly."

"My husband's an ex-Marine, and he grumbles about how Georgie W. never served real active duty," said Vera Scottser, 67, of Tuscon, Arizona. "I tell him, well, I'm glad he never saw combat because that might've messed up his gorgeous face, and wouldn't that have been a crying shame!"

Despite analysts' speculations, other presidential candidates have been devising strategies of how to address this important group of voters.
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