Time to Invade, Mr. PresidentThey have set off Weapons of Mass Destruction in circumstances forbidden by UN treaty. They have a long history of communistic revolution and cruel despots. In recent wars, they hosted our enemies until we moved in to liberate. They treat Americans with consistent contemptómocking our customs, frustrating our efforts to bring the 9/11 terrorists to justice, refusing to speak the English language to friendly visitors. Am I talking about Iraq? No, Mr. President, I am talking about France.
Are we going to sit on our hands and wait for the inevitable strike from this enemy who turns against us more every day? The urgent beauty of the pre-emptive policy is lost if we do not use it. In 1303, the English appeased France, but while Philip IV was signing the Treaty of Paris with his right hand, he was shoveling sovereigns into the sporren of Scottish terrorist William Wallace with the left. Hark to the Germans who made peace with France only to see Alsasce-Lorraine snatched in 1919. Think how much more peaceful history would have been if Thomas Jefferson had said "make no mistake about it, this man is evil" and sent an American Army to overrun France and assassinate Napoleon Bonaparte in 1801. The French tyrant would never have had a chance to slaughter a swath through Europe and Russia.
France is hardly any bigger than Williamson County, Texas, it should not take long to subdue in an air attack. The Gallic nation is, by way of convenience, en route to Iraq. I implore you, Mr. President, do not let Mr. Jacques Chirac, a non-practicing Christian with a history of extra-marital affairs, slap our Lady Liberty in her green face. His is the only country in the Western World where Muslims still worship openly. Too long we have accepted the culinary snobbery, cinematic longwindedness and atrocious pronunciation that emanates from this nation. So letís make no mistake about it and send a message to the rest of the UN Security Council. The only way to win this war on terrorism is to march on Paris, before the French have a chance to join Al Qaeda.