October 2002 (v5 i2)
Exposing the plight of the student body since 1997
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concerns and praise
from our literate public

My roommate keeps using my Instant Messenger screenname
I just wanted to set things straight. I do not like little boys, and I havenít slept with your mom. Oh yeah, and Iím not totally in love with Backstreet Boys. Seriously. Iím not. My idiot roommate keeps getting on my computer when Iím gone and pretending to be me on AIM. Heís such an asshole. Itís ruining my reputation. Plus, my warning level is always above 60% so all my buddies are afraid to talk to me. Hey, if SexyUTChik69 is reading this, please stop blocking me. I really miss cybering with you.
          Tony Johnson
          Freshman, Sociology

There is so much more to me than Screech Powers
Hey, itís me, Dustin. No, I donít go by Screech. What? Yeah, I was on that show. But that was such a long time ago. Iím practically a grown man now. Iím not the same nerdy guy who followed Zack Morris everywhere and spent somewhere between four and six seasons obsessing over a certain ebony love goddess who had a knack for fashion and gossip. Anycrap, Iím beyond that now. Just give me a chance, baby. Mr. Beldingís lessons went beyond the classroom!
          Dustin Diamond
          Lookiní to Hook

I am writing a letter
Hello. How are you? My name is Kris and I have 19 years of age. I take English 506 at the University of Texas in Austin. My two sisters, one dad, one mom, and three brothers are by my family. What is your family? I go to study at the University of Texas in Austin, Texas. In the morning I shower. In the afternoon I eat lunch. In the night I sleep. I like to look at television. The show of Ray Romano has many laughs for me. It is on at 7 oíclock. We are talking later? Hook them Longhorns!!!!
          Kris Popp
          English 506 student

Has anybody seen my mojo?
I could feel it risiní, but then it just got up and went. Or was that my ĎGet-Up-and-Goí? I think it happened after I stepped on a crack while taking a wooden nickle on Friday the 13th under a ladder opening an umbrella indoors stitching time, saving nine, laughing last and best. Well, this early bird needs to bite the dust, making love, not war, until the cows come home!
          Mike Oswald
          Freshman, Undeclared

Got questions for us?
Ask, but know that abstinence is the answer: letters@texastravesty.com
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